IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

in some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from healthy problem as a result of eating too much fast food. it is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extend do you agree or disagree ?

#countries #people #food #governments #tax
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It is thought that governments need to increase the tax on
street
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food
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 because it decreases
people
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's health problems. I completely agree with
this
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 and in my ,opinion it could cause
people
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eat
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to eat
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 much less than in the past if higher tax applies by governments.
Firstly
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 in my point of view if government boost the tax on
street
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foods
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 the
price
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 will increase
therefore
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 most
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
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 will prefer to have their meals at the home. in other ,words if the fast
food
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price
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 increases young community
specially
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especially
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 students will not be able to eat always Humbergers they would be
for
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apply
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sure more Slim and healthy.
For instance
Linking Words
 in my own country Afghanistan after an extension on
street
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food
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Fix the agreement mistake
prices
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price
Add a comma
,price
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people
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 eat more in the house than outside.
That is
Linking Words
 why right now the percentage of
people
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 below 20 years old with high cholesterol in Afghanistan is lower
thanin
Correct your spelling
than in
than
a country like the United States. ,
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Secondly
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,Secondly
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 the way I see it looks that if the cost of meals
such
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 as Burgers and Pizza increases the traditional
foods
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 which are very beneficial for the body will find more funs. we can say that when
people
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 are unable to buy
street
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foods
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 automatically they would
chose
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choose
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foods
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 like Pasta or vegetables that
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 no disadvantages for the human body, for ,example the
price
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for
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of
show examples
street
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foods
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 in countries like
china
Correct your spelling
China
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 is higher than in countries like England , men and women eats more healthy
food
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 and they have
low
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a low
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 percentage of disease. To
sume
Correct your spelling
sum
some
 up, I strongly believe that the idea to increase the cost
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
Street
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
 will have many advantages since it decreases
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast
food
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 sales and keeps
people
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 slim,feat and healthy.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • fast food consumption
  • higher taxes
  • discourage
  • additional tax revenue
  • healthcare initiatives
  • personal responsibility
  • public education
  • dangers of fast food
  • rising obesity rates
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