IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the hour per week that teenagers spend doing certain activities in Chester from 2002 to 2007

The bar chart below shows the hour per week that teenagers spend doing certain activities in Chester from 2002 to 2007
#bar #hour #week #teenagers #activities #chester
The bar chart below illustrates the hour each week
this
Change the determiner
these
show examples
 adolescents spare doing precise facilities in Chester
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
between 2002 and 2007 The chart gives information about some activities
such
 as going
to
Change preposition
by
show examples
bus
Add an article
the bus
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, watching
Correct article usage
the televesion
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televesion
Correct your spelling
television
, shopping, doing homework, doing sport, watching DVDs and
also
 bowling. There is a huge rate
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 watching television for the reason during at five years and
also
 the most famous activities.
In contrast
, bowling was
less
Correct article usage
a less
show examples
 curious facility than others.
Firstly
, a period of time watching television used by people and in 2007 reached a peak so been just under
fourty
Correct your spelling
forty
four
. By 2002, that number was 25% the next stage tremendously
growth
Replace the word
grew
show examples
 and became 36%.
Although
, watching DVDs was second place
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
list
Add an article
the list
show examples
, in 2004 the quantity hit a peak so
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 had been 20%. Another activity was shopping that third place in
chart
Add an article
the chart
show examples
 , in 2007 reached a peak and
rate
Correct article usage
the rate
show examples
 had 15%.
Secondly
, doing sport, doing homework and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bowling
were not choose
Change the verb form
were not chosen
were not choosing
show examples
 many people,
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
show examples
 these quantities maximal level became by 2002, 12%, 10% and 5% respectively.
Nevertheless
, by 2007 doing homework was minimal level
6
Change preposition
of 6
show examples
%
thus
, doing
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 and bowling were not useful for
humas
Correct your spelling
humans
human
 as interest rate
decline
Wrong verb form
declined
show examples
accordingly
.
Submitted by asgaarovasif on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • trends
  • compare and contrast
  • increase/decrease
  • time allocation
  • shifts in popularity
  • significant changes
  • cultural factors
  • technological advancements
  • social dynamics
  • implications
  • physical/mental health
  • social development
  • leisure activities
  • recreational
  • sedentary
  • engagement
  • interaction
  • steadily
  • dramatically
  • marginally
  • consistently
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