IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that watching sports in one’s free time is just a waste of time. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #sports #one’s #time #waste
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Use synonyms
Sports
Change the noun form
Sport
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a wide source of entertainment. For some people, it becomes an obsession to watch
sports
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, many believe that it is not healthy and one should indulge in more productive
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
. I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 ideology. A
person
Use synonyms
 should be able to make use of his free
time
Use synonyms
according to
Linking Words
 a leisure activity that pleases him. To commence with, many
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 believe that showing support to their
team
Use synonyms
 shows patriotism for their country.
For example
Linking Words
, many
individuals
Use synonyms
 watch cricket in their free
time
Use synonyms
 and cheer for their country's
team
Use synonyms
. It increases
player's
Correct article usage
the player's
show examples
 enthusiasm and has a positive impact on the whole
team
Use synonyms
. 
Moreover
Linking Words
, watching
sports
Use synonyms
 sometimes, change into a
habbit
Correct your spelling
habit
 and encourage
individuals
Use synonyms
 to play. It improves their lifestyle and allows them to become more active.
For example
Linking Words
, many children watch football and enjoy playing the
game
Use synonyms
 with their own teams. Some
individuals
Use synonyms
 even opt
a
Change preposition
for a
show examples
game
Use synonyms
 as their career. It has a positive influence on an individual's mind.
However
Linking Words
 many believe that it is a waste of
time
Use synonyms
. Disputers argue that
individuals
Use synonyms
 spend hours, watching a sport that does not benefit them in life. They think that people should be more involved in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physical
actvity
Correct your spelling
activity
 rather than watching television.
For example
Linking Words
, a cricket
game
Use synonyms
 lasts for 4-5 hours and a
person
Use synonyms
 spends all his
time
Use synonyms
 watching that
game
Use synonyms
,
instead
Linking Words
 of involving in a more useful activity. Yet, it has many advantages over disadvantages. I believe it is a healthy way of entertainment. It not only gives a sense of satisfaction to a
person
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 motivates him to play and reduces the stress in his life.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
individuals
Use synonyms
 who work 5 days a week, enjoy watching
sports
Use synonyms
 with their friends and family at the weekend. It increases their social interactions and helps in relaxing them mentally and physically.
To conclude
Linking Words
, watching one's favourite
team
Use synonyms
 play, not only encourages a
person
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 favours the
team
Use synonyms
. Its benefits outweigh its drawbacks. It is a basic way of
entertaning
Correct your spelling
entertaining
 ones' self and should be appreciated.
Submitted by Mominamajid521 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • stress reduction
  • communal activity
  • unwind
  • enhance
  • social bonds
  • determination
  • inspire
  • motivate
  • productive
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • personal development
  • excessive consumption
What to do next:
Look at other essays: