IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think scientific research should focus on solving world health problems. Others think that there are more important issues. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #research #focus #world #health
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With the explosion of population, there are a lot of
issues
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 that the governments have to
concern
Wrong verb form
be concerned
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.
Change preposition
about.
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While
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 some
people
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 argue that academic
research
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 should find ways to solve worldwide
health
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problems
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 , many
people
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 believe that
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
issues
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 should be focused on. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both points of view in-depth and present examples to show why the latter assertion is more compelling. Those who advocate for focusing on
health
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research
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 agree that
problems
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 with
health
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 are one of the most threatening
issues
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 that humans are facing now. After the spread of the Covid-19 pandemic, many individuals pay more attention to their
health
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. To have specific
treatments
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 for diseases, scientists need to
research
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 and test many kinds of medicine before publishing
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
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 local
people
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.
For instance
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, scientists and doctors spent more than a year finding suitable vaccines and
treatments
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 for patients who were suffering the
Covid-19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
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.
Moreover
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, there are many diseases
such
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 as cancer
could
Verb problem
that have
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 not find any radical
treatments
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 to deal with until now.
On the other hand
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, advocates for prioritizing other
issues
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 believe that several
problems
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 need to
beresearched
Correct your spelling
be researched
 to find out suitable methods.
While
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 patients have doctors to rescue them, many dwellers who experience many kinds of pollutants and overpopulation daily do not have any
treatments
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 from the governments.
Otherwise
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, many
problems
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 are overlooked by virtue of the carelessness of the authorities, poverty and illiteracy could be obvious examples. Every issue, in my opinion, needs to have equal treatment from both individuals and the authorities. In conclusion,
while
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 there are many
people
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 who believe that
health
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problems
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 should be concentrated on, I concur that scientific
research
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 has to discover many methods to solve other
issues
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, allowing for a better society and greater living conditions.
Submitted by thanhvinhdoi338 on

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Extended
Task Response: The essay addresses the prompt with a clear discussion of both views. However, it would benefit from a stronger conclusion that clearly states the writer's opinion.
Extended
Coherence and Cohesion: The logical structure is clear, with a good introduction and conclusion. However, more cohesive devices could be used to improve the flow of ideas and show greater control of cohesive elements.
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