Some people think scientific research should focus on solving world health problems. Others think that there are more important issues. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
With the explosion of population, there are a lot of
issues
that the governments have to concern
Wrong verb form
be concerned
.
Change preposition
about.
While
some people
argue that academic research
should find ways to solve worldwide health
problems
, many people
believe that others
Correct quantifier usage
other
issues
should be focused on. In this
essay, I will discuss both points of view in-depth and present examples to show why the latter assertion is more compelling.
Those who advocate for focusing on health
research
agree that problems
with health
are one of the most threatening issues
that humans are facing now. After the spread of the Covid-19 pandemic, many individuals pay more attention to their health
. To have specific treatments
for diseases, scientists need to research
and test many kinds of medicine before publishing to
local Correct pronoun usage
them to
people
. For instance
, scientists and doctors spent more than a year finding suitable vaccines and treatments
for patients who were suffering the Covid-19
. Correct your spelling
COVID-19
Moreover
, there are many diseases such
as cancer could
not find any radical Verb problem
that have
treatments
to deal with until now.
On the other hand
, advocates for prioritizing other issues
believe that several problems
need to beresearched
to find out suitable methods. Correct your spelling
be researched
While
patients have doctors to rescue them, many dwellers who experience many kinds of pollutants and overpopulation daily do not have any treatments
from the governments. Otherwise
, many problems
are overlooked by virtue of the carelessness of the authorities, poverty and illiteracy could be obvious examples. Every issue, in my opinion, needs to have equal treatment from both individuals and the authorities.
In conclusion, while
there are many people
who believe that health
problems
should be concentrated on, I concur that scientific research
has to discover many methods to solve other issues
, allowing for a better society and greater living conditions.Submitted by thanhvinhdoi338 on
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Extended
Task Response: The essay addresses the prompt with a clear discussion of both views. However, it would benefit from a stronger conclusion that clearly states the writer's opinion.
Extended
Coherence and Cohesion: The logical structure is clear, with a good introduction and conclusion. However, more cohesive devices could be used to improve the flow of ideas and show greater control of cohesive elements.
