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Band 4.5

Learning about the past has no value for those of us living in the present. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#value
These days, there is a controversy about studying
about
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apply
show examples
the past. Some
people
 think it is an unnecessary task because the information about the past is
unvaluable
Correct your spelling
invaluable
 for modern
people
.
However
, I
confirmly
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can firmly
confirm
confirmed
 believe that it is important for our lives because of several reasons, which will be explained in the following paragraphs.
To begin
 with, many similar accidents
occur
Wrong verb form
have occurred
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 repeatedly over
the
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apply
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many years.
Thus
, if
people
 know about them, it will be easier to find a solution.
For example
, in
1990s
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the 1990s
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, there was a ship accident in Korea,
Correct pronoun usage
that making
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making
Verb problem
caused
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 various victims.
Then
,
the
Correct article usage
a
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 similar incident occurred in 2014. The ship named Sewoel
wrecked
Add a missing verb
was wrecked
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while
 going to
the
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apply
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Jeju
island
Capitalize word
Island
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as
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on
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 a
school's
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school
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 field trip.
However
,
people
 had not learnt about the previous one, failing to rescue many students. If
people
 had been educated about that in advance, the number of victims would
decrease
Wrong verb form
have decreased
show examples
 in that accident. On top of that, as the world became globalised, many countries have been linked
each
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to each
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 other
since
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apply
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in the past.
Thus
, it is essential to know the past to behave appropriately to other countries to keep good relationships with them.
For instance
, the 6.25 war was provoked in Korea in 1950. Even though many foreigners were irrelevant
with
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to
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 it, they took part in it to help Korea. Korean citizens should learn about
this
 information
continously
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continuously
 and keep expressing appreciation for them. All things considered, some
people
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
think learning about the past is not a worthy thing to live in the modern period.
However
, by getting many
peices
Correct your spelling
pieces
 of information from the past,
people
 can get methods to resolve problems and know the suitable ways to treat other countries.
Submitted by eunbi_0915 on

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coherence cohesion
Focus on presenting a clear and well-organized introduction and conclusion to frame your argument.
task achievement
Ensure that your examples are directly relevant to the points being made and provide more specific details to fully support your main ideas.
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