IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achivements and this set bad example to the young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#celebrities #glamour #wealth #achivements #people
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At present, the majority of
people
Use synonyms
 of a name are famous thanks only to their great fortune and luxury than thanks to
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 attainment
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is demonstrate
Change the verb form
is demonstrated
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to
Change preposition
by
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 the
generation
Change noun form
generation's
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 spoiled
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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. It
is depends
Change the verb form
depends
show examples
 on how every person
accept
Change the verb form
accepts
show examples
manifestation
Add an article
the manifestation
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 of
this
Linking Words
 type and from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
celebrities
Change noun form
celebrity's
celebrities'
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 auditory.
Hence
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, I firmly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 notion and my essay will elaborate on
this
Linking Words
 in the following paragraphs. In the first place, some
people
Use synonyms
 cannot understand the content of recognizable
people
Use synonyms
, as it is perhaps that look through the lens of hatred or envy
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 after
al
Correct your spelling
all
show examples
 everyone
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
 chic
life
Use synonyms
. envy
generate
Correct subject-verb agreement
generates
show examples
 the statement that millions on the card
that is
Linking Words
 all these
people
Use synonyms
 have.
Consequently
Linking Words
, men do not
wish
Add the particle
towish
show examples
 know what kind of way they reach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Change the word
their
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 dream
life
Use synonyms
. Eventually, the big status is the achievement that will not
came
Change the verb form
come
show examples
 from
sky
Add an article
the sky
show examples
. it has been shown from C. Ronaldu`s history of achieving goals. Every footballer
know
Correct subject-verb agreement
knows
show examples
 that Ronaldu was from a lean family and he did not have the opportunity to play. And he
attempt
Change the verb form
attempts
show examples
 to make his mother
fotunate
Correct your spelling
fortunate
 and give her everything. What is more, it is undeniable that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 Celebrities tend to demonstrate
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
luxury
Replace the word
luxurious
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 moments more than simple things. As unremarkable content is not delightful for audible. Followers on social media
wait
Add the preposition
forwait
show examples
 only
elegant
Change preposition
for elegant
show examples
 and charming aspects from stars, and their accomplishment is not relevant.
According to
Linking Words
 a recent study,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the closed interview with figures revealed that more personalities are of the same opinion. Almost everyone
responed
Correct your spelling
responded
 that the fans are more curious
their
Change preposition
about their
show examples
 abundant view than
another
Correct quantifier usage
others
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.
To conclude
Linking Words
, to the public
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
more interesting their aesthetic
life
Use synonyms
 than
achievement
Correct article usage
the achievement
show examples
 type of education or principles. And the reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 is the thinking of audible.
Submitted by Allazhar on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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