IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that money is the major source of happiness in life. do you strongly agree or disagree?

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In
this
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 period of inflation, many
people
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 advocate that wealth plays a vital role in anyone's happy
life
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. It is true that money is required to fulfil our basic needs
such
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 as food, shelter, education and clothes. In my opinion, I strongly agree with
this
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 notion and my opinion will be discussed in
further
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 paragraphs
along with
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 a suitable conclusion. Supporting my agreement with the given statement, I firmly believe that, sufficient money is required to dream big and achieve something. To cite an example, if we are secured with minimum needs
then
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 we can think about higher studies.
Moreover
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, because of modernity everyone tends to have luxuries and
leads
Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
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costly
Correct article usage
a costly
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life
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, they believe that those luxuries and comforts are required to be happy in
life
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.
For example
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, a study conducted in a rich country revealed that
people
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 are leading happy
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 because of their wealth. Explaining some of the other supporting points in favour of
this
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 statement, it is true that the cost of basic needs
such
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 as groceries and house rents are increasing every year.
As a result
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,
people
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 are not able to live peacefully if they do not get a proper income.
Also
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, school fees and health care
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
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are
Verb problem
have
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 doubled
this
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 year.
For instance
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, a survey conducted in Hong Kong proved with numbers that middle-class
people
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 majorly spend their income on school fees and hospital bills. In conclusion, I would like to say that money is important to lead a happy
life
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. I believe that the aforementioned points are strongly supporting my viewpoint.

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion should be more developed and should effectively summarize the main points. Ensure that the logical order and structure of the essay is consistent throughout.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task and presents comprehensive ideas. Ensure that the introduction and conclusion effectively address the prompt and provide a clear overview of the essay's content.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates good use of vocabulary and adequate range of words. However, strive to use more varied lexical resources and expressions to enhance the quality of writing.
grammatical range
The essay shows a good command of grammatical structures and demonstrates a range of complex sentences. However, pay attention to article usage, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structures to ensure accuracy and coherence.
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