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Band 6

many museums charge for admission while others sre free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

#museums #charge #admission #sre #people
Charging
people
 for admission
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 museums is a topic of discussion. In my opinion, the benefits of
this
 issue outweigh the drawbacks. The first reason is about having more
money
 to buy amenities for
people
 who are visiting the area. Because
people
 will
more
Add a missing verb
be more
show examples
 motivate to
visit
 the museums to gain knowledge about the different
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
.
For example
, when an art
museum
 brings a band who
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 playing an Asian-songs, van
attract
Change the verb form
attracts
show examples
people
 to
visit
 it even by paying an expensive ticket. So, by charging
people
, these areas can improve their facilities.
Moreover
, the second one would be about adding
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 department every year
due to
 improve the
museum
 among other
places
 by bringing a new category in their department.
For instance
, the Ontario
museum
Correct your spelling
Museum
show examples
 can increase the price of
Add an article
a ticket
the ticket
show examples
ticket
Fix the agreement mistake
tickets
show examples
 to bring a new part
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their building
such
 as Iranian culture.
Hence
,
whit
Correct your spelling
what
show examples
money
, they can have a new history section in their areas.
On the other hand
, charging
people
 for admission to museums can bring negative points
such
 as the local
people
 might not
visit
 those
places
 and the managers can hold the
money
 and use it for themselves.
However
, citizens may not
visit
 these
places
 but it is not a big deal because
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
 will cover it up.
Furthermore
, some managers will keep that
money
 and use it for themselves
whereas
 the government will check
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
places
 and never let someone do
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
black
money
. In conclusion, charging
people
 for admission is a good idea and the advantages of it outnumber the drawbacks for two reasons, one is about preparing new facilities for that place and the other one is about building
a new departments
Correct the article-noun agreement
new departments
a new department
show examples
 and
bring
Change the verb form
brings
show examples
 a new history section
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their
museum
.
Submitted by mahsa_shafie1996 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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