Few people devote time to hobbies nowadays. Say why you think this is the case and what effect this has on the individual and society in general.

People
nowadays spent less
time
on leisure activities or
to cultivate
Change the verb form
cultivating
show examples
personal interests,
one
Correct word choice
and one
show examples
of the cogent reasons is
due to
high
Replace the word
highly
show examples
competitive and
fast changing
Add a hyphen
fast-changing
show examples
societies
. The phenomena as
such
not only
provoking
Wrong verb form
provoke
show examples
negative
affects
Correct your spelling
effects
show examples
on
individuals
,
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apply
show examples
but
also
deriving
Wrong verb form
derive
show examples
drawbacks to
societies
in long term.
To begin
with, it is hard for
people
to find
balance
Add an article
a balance
the balance
show examples
between work and life since modern technologies are constantly being introduced into workplaces to enhance productivity. To remain
competitive
Add the comma(s)
, competitive people,
show examples
people
need to
spent
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spend
show examples
more
time
on study, and the acquisition of new skills with full-
time
jobs could be
time consuming
Add a hyphen
time-consuming
show examples
, which left no
time
for
people
to develop their personal interests.
However
, the lack of leisure activities could lead to various negative effects
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
both
individuals
and
societies
. First of all, spending long hours
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
working or studying could stimulate
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
influence on
people
, mentally and physically.
While
the working hours in commercial institutions
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
getting longer over
time
,
individuals
barely have
time
to have personal
time
, which could increase
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
anxiety and affect their sleeping
qualities
Fix the agreement mistake
quality
show examples
, leading to various diseases, including obesity and depression.
On the other hand
, entertainment industries, including movie
theaters
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theatres
show examples
and restaurants, could endure a decrease
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
revenue
due to
a large population who work too hard to be able to enjoy life. Which not only will restrict the development of
local
Correct article usage
the local
show examples
economy, but reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work opportunities.
To conclude
, a
high
Replace the word
highly
show examples
competitive
societies
Change the noun form
society
show examples
is the main cause of a drastic drop
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
time
people
spent on leisure activities, which could derive various negative effects
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
individuals
and
societies
, be it the increase of correlative diseases,
and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
the shrinking of
local
Correct article usage
the local
show examples
economic
Replace the word
economies
show examples
.
Submitted by unapoya0916 on

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Devote time
  • Hobbies
  • Nowadays
  • Busy
  • Fast-paced
  • Lifestyles
  • Work and career
  • Technology
  • Digital entertainment
  • Limited
  • Free time
  • Lack of motivation
  • Mental wellbeing
  • Physical wellbeing
  • Decreased
  • Social interactions
  • Creativity
  • Self-expression
  • Negative effects
  • Society
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