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Writing Samples
Band 7

The table below shows the numbers of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The charts show the results of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same to periods. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows the numbers of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The charts show the results of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same to periods. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The table predicts the change in the number of people who visit Ashdown Museum after the changes that have been made in. whilst the charts show the outcomes of surveys have been made to measure the satisfaction degree of
visitors
Use synonyms
 during the same time.
Overall
Linking Words
, we can notice that the number of
visitors
Use synonyms
 has increased significantly after renewing the place.
While
Linking Words
 the surveys reflect that the number of
visitors
Use synonyms
 who were very satisfied doubled,
furthermore
Linking Words
 those who were not satisfied became less
to
Change preposition
than
show examples
 half.
First,
Linking Words
the visitants were 74000 persons before
redecoration
Correct article usage
the redecoration
show examples
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 venue, but it raised to 92000 one after the changes.
In addition
Linking Words
, the
consequents
Replace the word
consequences
show examples
 which reflect visitants’
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
 show pivotal arising of people were very satisfied from 15 % to 35 %.
While
Linking Words
 the percentage of those who were not satisfied before and after were 40 %,
15
Correct word choice
and 15
show examples
% respectively.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
visitors
Use synonyms
 who were very dissatisfied dropped to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half from 10 to 5%.
Submitted by alasfar.maram on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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