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Writing Samples
Band 7

The bar charts below show the number of hours each teacher spent teaching in different schools in four different countries in 2001. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar charts below show the number of hours each teacher spent teaching in different schools in four different countries in 2001. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #show #hours #teacher #schools #four #countries #information #features #comparisons
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The bar chart depicts the comparative data of the number of
hours
Use synonyms
 that each country adopt to teach students of 3 levels
in
Change preposition
apply
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22 years ago ; primary, lower secondary and upper secondary,
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly seen from the graph that
hours
Use synonyms
 spent in upper secondary schools were the highest in the four countries, in the contrast, the number of
hours
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 in the primary was the lowest, Glancing at the chart reveals that the USA clearly was teaching significantly more
hours
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comparatively
Replace the word
compared
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 to the others country with 1200
hours
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 in the upper secondary, 1000
hours
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 in lower secondary and 700
hours
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 in primary,
whereas
Linking Words
 Iceland was ranked as second in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
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 of teaching
hours
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, by 900
hours
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 in upper secondary
while
Linking Words
 both levels were relatively close by 600
hours
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 not far from,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, Spain was educating the same number of
hours
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 as Iceland in upper
sencondary
Correct your spelling
secondary
,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
,however
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 in the remaining levels Spain was slightly devoting more
hours
Use synonyms
 roughly about 700
hours
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 Japan was the lowest
hours
Use synonyms
 teaching comparing to the four others countries.
Submitted by creativedesign1a9 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words hours with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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