IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think government should not spend money on supporting artists and money should be spend on more important things. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #money #artists
In recent years, there
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 been many debates about
financial
Correct article usage
the financial
show examples
 support of
artists
. Some
people
 argue that
state
Correct article usage
the state
show examples
 should allocate money
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 healthcare or
Correct article usage
the edicational
show examples
edicational
Correct your spelling
educational
 field
instead
 of spending on
artists
. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will explore both
point
Change to a plural noun
points
show examples
 of view and provide
own
Correct pronoun usage
my own
show examples
 opinion. There is no denying that in today's society exist numerous unresolved issues
such
 as underpaid teachers and medical workers. These
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 essential part in the shaping of safety and wellbeing of population and many of these workers have low salaries.
For example
 in my country staff at schools and hospitals
the
Add a missing verb
are the
show examples
 most underpaid workers.
For
Change preposition
To
show examples
 some
extent
Add a comma
,extent
show examples
 it is greatly unfair when
people
 who serve on
prosperity
Add an article
the prosperity
show examples
 of
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
 have poor wages. Undoubtedly,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should pay more attention to
address
Wrong verb form
addressing
show examples
 these issues to avoid
shortage
Correct article usage
a shortage
show examples
 of workforce in
this
 area in future.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 individuals who work in
entertainment
Correct article usage
the entertainment
show examples
 field play a pivotal role too in
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
.
Artists
 are
integral
Change the article
an integral
show examples
 part of society. Irrefutably, many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
artists
already
Add a missing verb
are already
show examples
 rich,
due
Correct word choice
and due
show examples
 to their popularity they can advertise some products and obtain big payments for
this
.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 there are many beginner
artist
Change to a plural noun
artists
show examples
 who
don't
Change the verb form
doesn't
show examples
 have
such
 opportunities and I strongly opine that
government
 should provide aid for them.
For example
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 can provide some benefits for beginner
artists
. In conclusion,
it is clear that
 many areas require resolution namely medicine and education.
Nonetheless
. in my own opinion
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should dedicate some resources to
help
Wrong verb form
helping
show examples
people
 in art, because these
people
necessary
Add a missing verb
are necessary
show examples
 for humanity.
Anyway
Add the punctuation
,Anyway
show examples
 it is essential to strike a balance and there is no
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
fit
one size
Add a hyphen
one-size
show examples
anwer
Correct your spelling
answer
 for
this
 controversial issue.
Submitted by dias-orazbaev on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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