IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that zoos are cruel and all the zoos should be closed. However,other people think that zoos are useful to protect the rare animals. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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there is a current debate surrounding whether
zoos
Use synonyms
 should be closed because of the cruelty or encouraged to protect endangered
animals
Use synonyms
. personally, I hold the belief that the motive of
zoos
Use synonyms
 needs to be taken into consideration, despite its certain potential benefits. on the one hand, it is understandable for people to support the opening of
zoos
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 their standard protection. it is true that hunting for commercial purposes has made the natural habitat
become
Verb problem
apply
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unsafe for
animals
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 to inhabit, so wildlife parks are the most ideal places for them. In
zoos
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,
animals
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 are protected from their predators and harsh environment, which can help them
to
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apply
show examples
avoid extinction
as well as
Linking Words
 ensure their well-being.
furthermore
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, captive
animals
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 can be used to serve in scientific research . their behaviour and genes are likely to be studied by scientists in order to benefit other important industries, especially the pharmaceutical field.
on the other hand
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, I strongly believe that the negative impacts of
zoos
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 need to be taken into account. it is worth mentioning that most
zoos
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 keep
animals
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 in captivity with a view to satisfying people's recreational demands and making a huge profit. even many visitors treat
animals
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 in an ill-mannered way, which can lead to serious injury to
animals
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.
As a result
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, after long-term captivity,
animals
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 will lose their unique instinct and even die.
for instance
Linking Words
, in 2018, in
ninh binh wildlife park
Correct your spelling
Ninh Binh Wildlife Park
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, an old panda died because of the inability to adapt to
this
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 artificial environment. in conclusion, in spite of the particular advantages of
zoos
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 in terms of security, I am still of the opinion that their problems need to be taken into consideration painstakingly. it is predicted that
animals
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 will have a chance to come back to their original habitat thanks to the development of technology.

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Content
Expand on the negative impacts of zoos and provide clearer examples to support your points.
Structure
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion are more effectively structured to engage with the topic and provide a clear stance. Additionally, develop stronger transitions between your ideas to improve coherence and cohesion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • animal welfare
  • conservation
  • captive breeding
  • habitat
  • ethical issues
  • zoochosis
  • endangered species
  • genetic diversity
  • reintroduction programs
  • wildlife education
  • sanctuary
  • natural living conditions
  • artificial environments
  • behavioral enrichment
  • ecosystem
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