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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports faculties . Others , however say that this would have little effect on public health and other measures are required . Discuss both these views and give your own opinion .

#people #health #sports #faculties #effect #measures
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In today's world,
health
Use synonyms
 is a major concern for
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 majority of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
. Some believe that
sports
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 facilities
plays
Change the verb form
play
show examples
 a vital role in improving public
health
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.
However
Linking Words
, others believe in multiple factors that can have a beneficial effect on society. I support
this
Linking Words
 ideology that many other steps can be taken to improve one's
health
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.
To begin
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 with,
sports
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centres
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 are a motivation for some people. Many individuals enjoy playing
sports
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 and it becomes a
habbit
Correct your spelling
habit
 for some. It
enchances
Correct your spelling
enhances
 their mood and has a positive impact on their mental and
phyical
Correct your spelling
physical
health
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.
For example
Linking Words
, playing cricket or football can burn calories and improves cardiac
health
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 by reducing
cholestrol
Correct your spelling
cholesterol
 level in
Add an article
the blood
show examples
blood stream
Correct your spelling
bloodstream
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
sport
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sports
show examples
 facilities
provides
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provide
show examples
 a platform for social interactions. People can
built
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build
be built
show examples
 new friendships and it can be a reason for some to utilize game organisations.
On the other hand
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, it is not
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 only factor that can help in improving
health
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. Many other measures can be taken by the government.
Firstly
Linking Words
, public awareness
is plays
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plays
show examples
 a significant role in
prevention
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the prevention
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 of some
diseases
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.
This
Linking Words
 can be
acheived
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achieved
 by involving social media and print media.
For example
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, breast cancer is
prevelant
Correct your spelling
prevalent
 in many areas of the world. Its earlier detection can lead to a better prognosis. Public education regarding early diagnosis and screening of breast cancer has reduced the mortality rate of the disease over the past few years.
Secondly
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, making quarantine
centres
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 for people suffering from air-borne
diseases
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such
Linking Words
 as
,
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apply
show examples
 COVID-19, tb, mumps and influenza virus, can help in preventing
transmission
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the transmission
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 of disease.
For example
Linking Words
, during the COVID-19 pandemic,
there
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these
show examples
centres
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 helped the government to control
death
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the death
show examples
 rate and transmission of the virus. These methods have proved to be helpful for
health
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-related issues. I believe that as much as
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
centres
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 can help increase one's
phyical
Correct your spelling
physical
 activity, other ways that can benefit a mass population
,
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apply
show examples
 should be encouraged more. Projects that can help in public awareness and prevention of
diseases
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 should be increased.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
health
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 is an integral part of one's life. Many factors are involved in improving
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health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 care systems of the country.
Sports
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 can be beneficial for some, but programs conducting education plans can be beneficial for many individuals. More money should be spent on
prevention
Correct article usage
the prevention
show examples
 of
diseases
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by Mominamajid521 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • promote
  • physical activity
  • improve
  • public health
  • opportunities
  • regular exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • community involvement
  • social interactions
  • education
  • healthy lifestyles
  • policies
  • healthy eating habits
  • access
  • limited
  • location
  • affordability
  • cultural barriers
  • holistic approach
  • strategies
  • interventions
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