IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #time #loss #species #plants #animals
Most
people
 believe that the main problem of our environmental issues is the
loss
 of some
species
 of
plants
 and
animals
.
While
this
 might be true, there are some issues which are more important for the environment. There are valid arguments on both sides which I will discuss below.
Firstly
, the
loss
 of
species
 of
plants
 and
animals
 could cause unbalanced conditions in nature. There are a lot of
plants
 and
animals
 which are dependent on other
species
 and if one of these
species
 were extinct,
then
 it would affect the others.
This
 phenomenon would
also
 interrupt the food chain in the ecosystem and cause a greater
loss
 of
species
.
Moreover
, the
loss
 of
plants
 and
animals
 would affect the diversity of flora and fauna which could no longer be seen in nature.
On the other hand
, another environmental problem that we have is the degrading condition of our earth. Air pollution, contaminated water, and soil erosion are some serious problems that have arisen these days. These problems are caused by the lack of responsibility of
people
 toward the environment.
Furthermore
, global warming
also
 has alarmed everyone
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
this
 condition could cause the rising of sea water
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 and flooding in
seashore
Add an article
the seashore
show examples
.
Consequently
, many parts of land would be flooded by the sea and lots of lives must move to safer places.
To conclude
, I think both environmental problems have caused serious effects
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the earth and
people
 have felt the impacts of those conditions. To prevent greater losses and damages,
people
 should work together and start to act immediately
toward
Change preposition
on
show examples
 these issues.
Submitted by yunilson.mulyano on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • habitat loss
  • ecosystem
  • food chain
  • imbalance
  • interconnected
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • personal actions
  • policy changes
  • education
  • awareness
What to do next:
Look at other essays: