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Band 6.5

in the future, more people will choose to go on holiday in their own country and not to travel abroad on holiday. do you agree or disagree?

#future #people #holiday #country #travel
Many
people
 will prefer to spend their days off in the same country where they live and they will feel that there is no need to travel to another country during their holidays in the future. From my perspective, I agree with the group of individuals who will spend their days off in their cities for many reasons. The primary reason is,
travelling
Correct word choice
that travelling
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 to another country costs a lot of money that can be invested in other more beneficial things especially, when the holiday is for the entire family.
For example
,
last
 summer we thought about travelling to Bosnia for tourism and meeting our friends there, but when we calculated the cost of the trip, we were surprised with the cost of it. At that time, it was approximately three thousand dollars at least.
Therefore
, we decided to stay in Istanbul where we are living, and
this
 cost will be a private school fee for our son.
In addition
, most
people
 will be on holiday at the same time of year and the destination countries are the same for many human kinds all over the world
hence
, those countries will be very crowded with population.
Therefore
, staying in Hometown is the ideal solution to have exciting days.
For instance
, Istanbul is very crowded in Summer because it's a tourist attraction city where many tourists from all over the world come during their vacations .
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
show examples
 the goal places for visiting and shopping centres will be so crowded.
Thus
,
people
 will not be thrilled or pleasant during their trips. In conclusion,
people
 will realise that holidays in other countries will make them out of their budget’s green zone.
As well as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they prefer moving around their regions and being happy and relaxed with vibes in their hometowns because they will be quiet and peaceful.
Submitted by amalalhoury on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures more to add complexity and flow to your writing. This can make your arguments more engaging and easier to follow.
Task Achievement
While you provided relevant examples to support your points, make sure to explore and elaborate on a wider range of ideas to fully cover the topic. This could further enhance the depth of your essay.
Introduction and Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion clearly outline your viewpoint, effectively framing your essay.
Relevant Examples
You used a personal example to support your main point, which adds a practical and relatable aspect to your argument.
Logical Structure
The essay is well-organized, making it easy to follow your arguments and understand the structure of your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • domestic tourism
  • international travel
  • cultural exchange
  • national pride
  • affordability
  • convenience
  • ecotourism
  • heritage sites
  • local businesses
  • comfort zone
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