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Band 5.5

Some people think that work is the most important thing in people's life. Without the success of a career, life will become meaningless. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #work #life #success #career
Today,some
people
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that
work
 is the most important thing in
people
's
life
.Without the
success
 of a
career
,
life
 will become meaningless.In
older
Correct your spelling
order
show examples
 to explain why I
protly
Correct your spelling
partly
proudly
 agree with the opinion
this
 essay will the why
work
 is the most important thing in
life
 and if without the
success
 of a
career
,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
life
 will not become meaningless. On the one hand, there are several reasons why
work
 is the most important for our
life
. The most main reason is that
work
decide
Change the verb form
decides
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our
life
.Because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
work
 is
only
Correct article usage
the only
show examples
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
way to get
money
,and
money
 is very important
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in
life
 because if you can get a
lot
 of
money
, you are very hard
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
you
Correct pronoun usage
what you
show examples
 want to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
.
For example
,buy
clothe
Change the form of the verb
clothing
show examples
,go
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
overseaes
Correct your spelling
overseas
 and so on. So, if you
without
Add a missing verb
do without
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
success
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a
career
,you could not
be get
Change the verb form
get
show examples
money
.
In addition
,If you can
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
success
Replace the word
succeed
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
work
 , you can get a
lot
 of
money
.So
work
 is the most important in
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
.
Moreover
, when we
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
,we need a
lot
 of
money
.
Such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
food,house and
woter
Correct your spelling
water
 and so on,so we have to
Add an article
the success
show examples
success
Replace the word
succeed
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a
career
 and get enough income that we can
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
.
Secondly
, we do not have to worry
at
Change preposition
about
show examples
money
.If we are old
people
,we are hard to
work
.So we get a
lot
 of
incom
Correct your spelling
income
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
when we are young. We do not have to
work
 and we can spend
fun
Add an article
a fun
show examples
 time
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when we are older.　For
the
Correct your spelling
these
show examples
 reasons,we have to
Add an article
the success
show examples
success
Replace the word
succeed
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a
career
. On the
oter
Correct your spelling
other
 hand, there are some reasons that if we do not
success
Replace the word
succeed
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a
career
,
life
 will not become meaningless. The most main reason is that we have something more important than
work
.
Such
 as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
family ,
friens
Correct your spelling
friends
 and
porson
Correct your spelling
person
 is very important
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 me,
then
 our health. If we have hard
work
,we
success
Replace the word
succeed
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a
career
. We have to spend a
lot
 of
tiem
Correct your spelling
time
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
work
. We can not
work
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
when we are ill.
Worker
Add an article
The worker
A worker
show examples
 can not
work
 their best,if
thay
Correct your spelling
they
 can not getting off enough sleep.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 we have a
lot
 of
stres
Correct your spelling
stress
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
work
.Recently a
lot
 of
people
 die
couse
Correct your spelling
because
 of
Correct article usage
the stres
show examples
stres
Correct your spelling
stress
 of
work
. So we should
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
increase
time
Add an article
the time
show examples
 that
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not
thinking
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 about
work
. In
counclusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
work
 makes
more
Correct pronoun usage
us more
show examples
butiful
Correct your spelling
beautiful
 our
life
 .
On the other hand
,we have a
lot
 of things that we have to spend time more
than
Change preposition
on than
show examples
work
.
Submitted by hatsudaya706 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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