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Band 5

Some people believe that university students should pay all the cost of studies because univerity education only benefit the students themselves not the society as a whole. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #university #students #cost #studies #univerity #education #benefit #society
While
 some perspectives suggest that
people
 who would love to
persuade
Verb problem
pursue
show examples
 higher
education
 should afford full tuition fees, I strongly disagree with
such
 opinions,
due to
 the contributions
people
 with high educational levels could
conduct
Verb problem
make
show examples
 to society.
To begin
 with, it is inevitable that not every young
people
 are able to benefit from the financial subsidies provided by governments, since bachelor's degrees are not included in compulsory
education
. Some
people
 suggest that it is the obligation of individuals to pay for their personal
choice
Fix the agreement mistake
choices
show examples
,
due
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to that money could have better use in other aspects, including fundamental construction, which could derive advantages to society as a whole.
On the other hand
, the right
of receiving
Change preposition
to receive
show examples
 higher
education
 should not only belong to rich
people
, since cultivating
people
 with competent skills could not only help individuals to reverse their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
provoke
Rephrase
also provoke
show examples
 a high-quality society.
For example
, in Taiwan, many doctors, who serve in hospitals after finishing their
education
, are funded by the government to complete their medical degrees, which ensures a functional medical system for local residents.
To conclude
, it is true that, only a few young individuals are able to study at universities, so it seems unfair to support them with the tax income from the public.
However
, it is essential for governments to foster talents to make progress in professional areas, which could stimulate more positive effects on societies in
long
Correct article usage
the long
show examples
 term.
Therefore
, I could not agree with the proposals for students to cover all educational tuition fees by themselves.
Submitted by unapoya0916 on

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task response
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coherence and cohesion
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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