IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays we see an increase in social problems involving teenagers. Many people believe that it is because parents spend more time at work and less with their children. Do you agree or disagree?

In
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
the
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 present world, we
recognize
Change the spelling
recognise
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 the rate of rapid growth
use
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 of social
platforms
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regarding
Change preposition
among
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 youth. Numerous people consider that it's
due to
Linking Words
parents
Use synonyms
' focus on working and less looking after their
kids
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. I personally agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement as
parents
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 are not solely accountable for taking care of their
kids
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,
as well as
Linking Words
they educate
Wrong verb form
educating
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 their
children
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 to
use
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 social
platforms
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
parents
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use
Use synonyms
 their time to work in the office more than
stay
Wrong verb form
staying
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 at home to get on well with their
children
Use synonyms
. Because they just follow the standard of society in order to hunt for success quickly
Linking Words
as
Punctuation problem
, as
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 a result from they can't balance their life and their work.
For example
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
According
Fix capitalization
according
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 to the
standard
Fix the agreement mistake
standards
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 of society, people need to have nice cars and houses prior
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 30
ages
Check wording
apply
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, it's led to people
have
Wrong verb form
having
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 peer pressure and
dedicate
Wrong verb form
dedicating themselves
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 to working in the office.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they neglect to take care of their
children
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, they will educate their
kids
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 on how to
use
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 social
platforms
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 to avoid
negating
Verb problem
saying
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 things that affect their
children
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they will need to track social
kids
Use synonyms
' activities in order to prevent bad things and guide them to gain some knowledge to adapt to in the future.
For instance
Linking Words
, they need to check
day-by-day
Use the right word
day by day
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the
children
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's
platforms
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 associated with the government to cooperate together to protect and develop
children
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's skills in their country.
Thus
Linking Words
, they need to be educated using social
platforms
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. In conclusion,
Despite
Fix capitalization
despite
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 the evidence that few individuals can express their ideas and emotions without the guidance of
parents
Use synonyms
.
Parents
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 should spend a considerable amount of time with
children
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 to nurture them in an effective way by inculcating a variety of soft skills
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 in turn help them to become better citizens of society.

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planning
Plan the essay before you write. Put one main idea in each paragraph. Start with a topic sentence, then a simple example, and end with a link to your view.
language
Use short, clear sentences. Do not use long, hard phrases. Check your grammar and punctuation.
structure
Add a strong, clear conclusion that restates your view and the main ideas.
content
Clear view of the topic is shown.
organization
Some signposts and paragraphing help guide the reader.
content
Ideas are shown with some examples.
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