IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Nowadays many people believe that inspite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. why is this the case? what can be done about this problem?

#people #inspite #advances #agriculture #world #case
Agriculture has evolved over the years, partly
due to
 the advancement in the equipment used by
farmers
.
However
, different
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
 shows that despite the new inventions in the agricultural world, many individuals still suffer at the hands of starvation, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
developing and underdeveloped countries.
This
 essay will emphasise
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the reasons for
food
 unavailability and give an insight
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the solution
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 rising problem.
To begin
 with, there are multiple factors contributing
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
Correct article usage
the deficency
show examples
deficency
Correct your spelling
deficiency
 of
food
 intake.
Firstly
,
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
 of the world has revolutionized over the past few years.
Economic
Add an article
The economic
show examples
 recession has led to the inflation of market prices. The annual budget allocated for farming has
reduced
Add a missing verb
been reduced
show examples
 over the years.
As a result
,
farmers
sale
Replace the word
sell
show examples
 their
crop
Fix the agreement mistake
crops
show examples
 at
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
extravagant
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
 and middle-class consumers suffer from the lack of affordability of
food
 items.
Secondly
, farming has been affected by changing weather conditions.
This
unpredicitability
Correct your spelling
unpredictability
 is
due to
 global warming,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 has increased variation in weather
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
.
For instance
, rice crop needs
ample
Correct article usage
an ample
show examples
 amount of water to survive.
Last
 year, in Pakistan,
depletion
Correct article usage
the depletion
show examples
 of rainfall led to
destruction
Add an article
the destruction
show examples
 of the crop and greatly reduced
outcome
Fix the agreement mistake
outcomes
show examples
 for the
farmers
. These issues can be addressed if people start growing their crops more wisely.
Firstly
, economic growth is needed to make
ammends
Correct your spelling
amends
. Government should spend more capital on farming techniques and
reduction
Correct article usage
a reduction
show examples
 in farming
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
 will lead to
food
availabilty
Correct your spelling
availability
 and affordability.
Moreover
, using weather
forecast
Fix the agreement mistake
forecasts
show examples
, before incorporating
plant
Fix the agreement mistake
plants
show examples
 into the soil can be lucrative for
farmers
 and results in better output.
To conclude
 changes are needed at national and local levels. Planning and
oraganising
Correct your spelling
organising
organizing
 new methods of farming is necessary before executing the process of farming. Government should make
budget friendly
Add a hyphen
budget-friendly
show examples
 policies that can cause growth in agriculture. More people can benefit from these policies.
Submitted by Mominamajid521 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: