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Writing Samples
Band 6

Computers do not help children learn more effectively. On the contrary the use of computer has a negative effect on children’s physical and mental development. Do you agree or disagree?

#computers #children #computer #effect #children’s #development
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Undoubtedly, after globalization,
children
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's learning has been updated, and computers are frequently used at school or home to support studying.
As a consequence
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, many adults believe that electronics are not beneficial for kids and can contribute to the development of mental disorders
such
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 as anxiety and stress. In my mind, like everything, computers can be used smartly by teachers and
parents
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 in
children
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's learning,
however
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, the lack of control is becoming individuals dependent on
devices
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.
To begin
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 with, the interconnected world has impacted every family around the globe, and regardless of age, individuals now carry smartphones in their hands.
According to
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 BBC Brazil, every Brazilian has at least one smartphone and spends an average of 8 hours per day browsing websites or social media on their device.
This
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 is concerning, the Association of Kids in Brazil are struggling deeply for controlling the use of technology
devices
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 at school and providing several meetings to
parents
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 for transferring these
devices
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 to the home.
Furthermore
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, many families are struggling to spend time with their
children
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, who only want to have fun in front of screens. In some cases,
children
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 become extremely aggressive when
parents
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 try to take away their
devices
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.
According to
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 The New York Times, around 80% of
children
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 who have had access to technology
devices
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 since the age of 3 or younger
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a high risk of becoming dependent on electronic
devices
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 at a young age.
Hence
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, controlling the access to
children
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's
devices
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 must be done by
parents
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, and participating in
children
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's lives
such
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 as kidding on the street, square or at least going to a shopping mall will help them to try real-life, regardless the boosting of the relationship among
children
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, fathers, and mothers . In conclusion, like everything, freedom could be dangerous and need to be controlled, so keeping contact with some technology
devices
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 should help
their
Correct pronoun usage
them
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develop
Replace the word
development
show examples
.
Thus
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, a successful
children
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's life is on
parents
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' responsibility.
Submitted by murilo.siqueira2012 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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