IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#countries #people #health #food #governments #tax
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It is argued that government should
increase
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 the
tax
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 on fast
food
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items
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 because these are causing
health
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problems
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of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 most people in some areas. I completely agree with the statement. There are a number of reasons I believe
Jung
Change noun form
Jung's
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food
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 has detrimental effects on our
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body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
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. One possible reason is
that
Correct word choice
apply
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obesity is one of them. As
this
Linking Words
food
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 has high protein and
calorie
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calories
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, they are lately burned by our
body
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.
As a result
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, it creates
a
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apply
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fat and damages our
body
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 shape. Another reason is that heart
problem
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problems
show examples
 and pressure can be caused for adopting
this
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food
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.
Moreover
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,
this
Linking Words
food
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 contains harmful chemicals which will affect our blood circulation and
then
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 will cause those diseases.
Finally
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, it harms our capability of
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body's
Correct article usage
the body's
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 antibiotics.
The fast
Correct article usage
Fast
show examples
food
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 has a plethora of dangerous elements which
decreases
Correct subject-verb agreement
decrease
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 to fight against bacteria and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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will cause death in future.
For example
Linking Words
, the Daily Star newspaper published that 70%
employees
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of employees
show examples
 and students caused various
type
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types
show examples
 of
health
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problems
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 because they addicted to fast
food
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items
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such
Linking Words
ad
Correct your spelling
as
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 pizza,
burger
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burgers
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 etc which are easy to take and responsible price.
However
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, my opinion is that
tha
Correct your spelling
the
 authorities should
increase
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 the
tax
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 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
process
Change the verb form
processed
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food
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. First of all, if government
increase
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 the
tax
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 on
this
Linking Words
food
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, people will avoid
to buy
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buying
show examples
 it and will take
home made
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homemade
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 foods which are healthy and good for our life.
Secondly
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,
Add an article
the
a
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seller
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sellers
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 will decrease the sales of fast
food
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items
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 because the price of elements will
increase
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 which are
using
Wrong verb form
used
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 in fast
food
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 cuisines.
For instance
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, the city of Agra which is situated in India
,
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apply
show examples
has increased the price of fast
food
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 because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
government instructions and
then
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 most fast
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food's
Change noun form
food
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 shop sellers are moving the cuisine of vegetables and fruits
items
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 shop
instead
Linking Words
 of fast
food
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items
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.
Therefore
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,
health
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problems
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 issue on that country
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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are
Remove the redundancy
apply
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dropping day by day. In conclusion, considering the factors discussed
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
. I believe if the administration takes some strict steps about it
such
Linking Words
 as higher
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tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
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, will solve people's
health
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problems
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 with
outstanding
Add an article
an outstanding
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result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
.
Submitted by opshorajhumpa2001 on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • health outcomes
  • healthcare costs
  • consumer behavior
  • socio-economic backgrounds
  • ethical implications
  • public health campaigns
  • subsidies
  • regulations
  • nutritional content
  • healthier food options
  • government intervention
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