In many countries women no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn their own income and therefore do not require the financial security that marriage can bring. To what extent do you agree?

#countries #women #people #income #security #marriage

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In recent years,

women

Use synonyms

do not feel the need of getting married because they believe they can fund themselves and able to get financial security without married. In my opinion, though the financial issue has a strong contributing factor, it is not the sole reason for

this

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change in social behaviour. In the past years,

women

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would get married to men and start to build families where the main income comes from their husbands. With more open education and opportunities for

women

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to find a job, it is easier for them to earn incomes as much as men can.

Due to

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this

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reason, many

women

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feel that they could fund themselves and do not need marriage to support their lives.

Therefore

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this

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trend has become more common in

women

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especially those with high education degrees and jobs.

In addition

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, finance is not the only issue that marriage would happen. Culture, society and self-motivation

also

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play important roles in determining the choice to be married. Marriage is often considered the turning point of life where someone's faith could change drastically. Most

women

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would start a family and raise children after getting married and they have to sacrifice their individual goals

such

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as pursuing careers, travelling, or getting higher education degrees. These are some takes that female

adult

Fix the agreement mistake

adults

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hesitate to get married and are unable to do their achievements when they were single. In summary,

while

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financial issue plays a significant part in

women

Use synonyms

being independent and hesitant to get married, being unable to pursue their dreams

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also

Add a missing verb

is also

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considered a factor that influences their decision. After getting married, they will be busy with their family and have to let their dreams fade away.

Submitted by yunilson.mulyano on Tue Apr 11 2023

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

281 words

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