IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that we should replace old buildings and houses in cities with more modern buildings. Other people think we should protect old buildings. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

The discussion surrounding the replacement of old
buildings
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 with modern
structures
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 versus the preservation of historical sites is a significant one, reflecting differing societal values. On one side, some argue for the necessity of modernisation,
while
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 others advocate for the protection of our architectural heritage.
This
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 essay will explore
both
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 viewpoints before presenting my own perspective. Proponents of replacing old
buildings
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 often highlight the need for urban renewal. They contend that many historical
structures
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 do not meet contemporary requirements,
such
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 as energy efficiency and safety standards.
For instance
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, older
buildings
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 may lack proper insulation, leading to increased energy costs.
Furthermore
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, modern architecture can offer innovative designs that enhance functionality and aesthetic appeal, potentially revitalising neighbourhoods and attracting investment. In rapidly expanding cities, the demand for housing and commercial space can necessitate the demolition of outdated
buildings
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 to accommodate new developments that better serve the community.
Conversely
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, advocates for the preservation of old
buildings
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 argue that these
structures
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 are crucial for maintaining a city’s cultural identity. Historical
buildings
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 often narrate the story of a city’s past, reflecting its architectural evolution and the lives of its inhabitants.
For example
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, landmarks
such
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 as cathedrals and traditional houses can serve as important tourist attractions, contributing to the local economy.
Additionally
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, preserving old
buildings
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 fosters a sense of community and continuity, allowing residents to connect with their heritage. The aesthetic value of historical architecture, with its unique designs and craftsmanship, is
also
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 a significant factor in many people’s desire to protect these
structures
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. In my view, a balanced approach is essential.
While
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 it is important to embrace modernity and address the practical needs of urban populations, we should not overlook the significance of preserving our historical
buildings
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. Cities can benefit from a hybrid model that integrates modern architecture with the preservation of notable historical sites.
For instance
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, developers can incorporate contemporary designs into the renovation of old
buildings
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, ensuring they meet current standards
while
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 retaining their character.
This
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 approach respects the past and enhances the urban landscape, creating a city
that is
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both
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 functional and rich in history. In conclusion, the debate over whether to replace old
buildings
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 with modern
structures
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 or to protect them is complex.
Both
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 perspectives offer valid arguments, and it is crucial to find a middle ground that honours our heritage
while
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 accommodating the needs of modern society. By doing so, we can create vibrant cities that celebrate
both
Use synonyms
 their history and their future.

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines the main points. However, you could make your opinion clearer at the end of the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are well-structured and connected logically. Consider adding some linking words to make it even clearer, such as 'on the one hand' or 'in contrast'.
task achievement
You provided good examples of both views and explained them well. Try to include specific examples or data to support your points more strongly.
task achievement
The essay is well-balanced and addresses both sides of the argument.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your opinion and the discussion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • paramount
  • evolutionary journey
  • tangible link
  • fostering
  • sense of belonging
  • architectural beauty
  • economic benefit
  • tourist attractions
  • preservation techniques
  • structural integrity
  • energy-efficient
  • sustainable architecture
  • cultural preservation
  • urban demands
  • contemporary lifestyles
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