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Band 4.5

happiness is considered very important in life. Some people think happiness is difficult to define. What factors are important in achieving happiness.

#happiness #life #people #factors
People
 consider that happiness must be
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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a part of their life. Some
people
 assume that they feel difficulty in having
happineess
Correct your spelling
happiness
. By achieving happiness,
people
 would feel pleasure in doing anything and it could trigger their motivation to do a new thing and they would be healthier. In
this
 essay, I will elaborate
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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more
on
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apply
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below. If
people
 feel delighted, they tend to be more creative . It is because they could motivate themselves to create something new.
For example
, many
people
 who contribute
in
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to
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 an invention would feel
enjoyable
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enjoyment
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in
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apply
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doing that. It is because they have
endless
Add an article
the endless
an endless
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 spirit to do more, even if they have failed in a process.
In addition
, some
people
 who work as an influencer should
mantain
Correct your spelling
maintain
 their feeling because they would not be attractive
infront
Correct your spelling
in front
 of
people
 if there is a bad
feeling
Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
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on
Change preposition
about
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 them. It is caused by the influencer must be able to interact well
to
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with
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 the audience and create an interactive situation. Having a
pleasure
Replace the word
pleasant
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 feeling should be an important thing of it.
Moreover
, having a
joy
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joyful
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 feeling could help
people
 to avoid
stress
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the stress
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 that could affect their health condition. It would be a detrimental effect later on because it could lead to
the
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apply
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mental health that might be a danger
in
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to
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productivity
Correct article usage
the productivity
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 of work.
Furthermore
, if
people
mantain
Correct your spelling
maintain
 their happiness, they would avoid being old earlier.
This
 would affect their
confident
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confidence
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 because they seem
having
Change the verb form
to have
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 a good appearance, particularly their face. In conclusion, having a happy feeling has some benefits regarding productivity, creativity, and
also
 health.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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