IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In many countries schools have severe problems with students’ behaviour. What are the causes and possible solutions for this problem.

#countries #schools #students’ #behaviour
Schools these days are different from what used to be. We have lived in a technological age,
therefore
 education methods, curriculum and even thoughts have changed. Many schools recently have faced many obstacles related to children’s conduct as weakness of concentration and difficulty in imposing rules and orders. These kinds of problems are most common in all schools but ,
definitely
Add a comma
,definitely
show examples
 the settlements are found. First and foremost, as our life is depending on technology in all of the things we have done, the usage of phones and computers
occupy
Correct subject-verb agreement
occupies
show examples
most of our days.
Consequently
, people suffer from losing their focus
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
show examples
 students who need to focus to study their lessons and absorb the curriculum. Even though the state looks complicated, the solution is within reach. The cooperation between parents and teaching staff will help in limiting the hours of using iPad and cell phones.
In
Change preposition
For
show examples
 instance, an agreement between families and teachers of an hour of using phones will work.
Secondly
, the second trouble can the
school
 face is the difficulty in putting rules in
school
 and letting the students stuck with them. Obedience is familiar conduct at
school
 especially at particular ages. Teenagers hate the laws and feel free by disobeying them. To illustrate, they show independence and prove that by walking against the regulations. The trouble looks complex, but the resolution is too simple. It is easier to follow the regulations when you are the person in charge of putting a list of what should or don’t do. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
example, The Existence of students
while
 deciding the system of the
school
 will help a lot. Eventually, every generation has its concerns and worries which are connected to the century they live in. We can understand the problems better by looking at them using pupils’ eyes and
then
 finding the solutions starting with their proposals and suggestions.
Submitted by alasfar.maram on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: