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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

the chart below shows the changes that took place in three different areas of crime in newport city centre from 2003-2012

the chart below shows the changes that took place in three different areas of crime in newport city centre from 2003-2012
#changes #place #three #areas #crime #newport #city #centre
The line chart gives information that the number of
incidents
 of
burglary
,
car
theft
 and
robbery
 in Newport city centre from 2003 to 2012.
This
 shows the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of crime changes in three categories
through out
Correct your spelling
throughout
show examples
 10years. For
burglary
, in 2003, under 3500
incidents
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
happened
Change the form of the verb
happening
show examples
. It was
contrast
Change preposition
in contrast
show examples
 with the number of
robbery
Change to a plural noun
robberies
show examples
,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 was over 500
incidents
.
Also
,
car
theft
cases
 were between 2500 to 3000. In 2004,
burglary
crimes
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased between 3500 to 4000,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 was a peak above them.
On the other hand
,
car
theft
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
slightly decreased to 2000
cases
 in 2006.
Burglary
crimes
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
dramatically decreased to
low
Correct article usage
a low
show examples
 peak in 2008, but
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
cases
 were
rised
Correct your spelling
raised
 a little bit to under 1500 in 2012. As
car
Change preposition
for car
show examples
theft
, after the moment of
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
cases
, it
also
 rebounded to over 2500
cases
 in 2012. For
robbery
theft
 from the person, it was generally the lowest
counts
Fix the agreement mistake
count
show examples
 of three of them, but it was at least 500
crimes
 in 2008 but
also
 grew between 500 to 1000 numbers of
cases
 in 2012.
Above all
, from 2003 to 2012,
robbery
 was the
minimun
Correct your spelling
minimum
Correct quantifier usage
number of incidents
show examples
incidents
Fix the agreement mistake
incident
show examples
 of three
crimes
 and
burglary
 was the highest
crimes
Fix the agreement mistake
crime
show examples
 until between 2006 to 2007, and after that
car
theft
 went over
burglary
 and it was the highest amount of crime in Newport city centre until 2012.
Submitted by nursemk1991 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words incidents, burglary, car, theft, robbery, cases, crimes with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
▼

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