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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the chart below shows the changes that took place in three different areas of crime in newport city centre from 2003-2012

the chart below shows the changes that took place in three different areas of crime in newport city centre from 2003-2012
The line chart gives information that the number of
incidents
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 of
burglary
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,
car
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theft
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 and
robbery
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 in Newport city centre from 2003 to 2012.
This
Linking Words
 shows the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of crime changes in three categories
through out
Correct your spelling
throughout
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 10years. For
burglary
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, in 2003, under 3500
incidents
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were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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happened
Change the form of the verb
happening
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. It was
contrast
Change preposition
in contrast
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 with the number of
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robbery
Change to a plural noun
robberies
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,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 was over 500
incidents
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.
Also
Linking Words
,
car
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theft
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cases
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 were between 2500 to 3000. In 2004,
burglary
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crimes
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were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased between 3500 to 4000,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 was a peak above them.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
car
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theft
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was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
slightly decreased to 2000
cases
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 in 2006.
Burglary
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crimes
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were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
dramatically decreased to
low
Correct article usage
a low
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 peak in 2008, but
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
cases
Use synonyms
 were
rised
Correct your spelling
raised
 a little bit to under 1500 in 2012. As
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car
Change preposition
for car
show examples
theft
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, after the moment of
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
cases
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, it
also
Linking Words
 rebounded to over 2500
cases
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 in 2012. For
robbery
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theft
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 from the person, it was generally the lowest
counts
Fix the agreement mistake
count
show examples
 of three of them, but it was at least 500
crimes
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 in 2008 but
also
Linking Words
 grew between 500 to 1000 numbers of
cases
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 in 2012.
Above all
Linking Words
, from 2003 to 2012,
robbery
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 was the
minimun
Correct your spelling
minimum
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Correct quantifier usage
number of incidents
show examples
incidents
Fix the agreement mistake
incident
show examples
 of three
crimes
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 and
burglary
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 was the highest
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crimes
Fix the agreement mistake
crime
show examples
 until between 2006 to 2007, and after that
car
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theft
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 went over
burglary
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 and it was the highest amount of crime in Newport city centre until 2012.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words incidents, burglary, car, theft, robbery, cases, crimes with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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