IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Scientists agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food. Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people. Others think education will not work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#scientists #people #health #junk #food #education #work
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Scholars approve that
people
Use synonyms
destroing
Correct your spelling
destroying
destroy
 their
health
Use synonyms
 by eating fast
food
Use synonyms
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
. Several
people
Use synonyms
 believe that the solution to
this
Linking Words
 problem is to have
health
Use synonyms
 education,
while
Linking Words
 others think education is not enough. I would argue that
people
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 keenly need to learn about
harmful
Correct article usage
the harmful
show examples
 effects of junk
food
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. On the one hand, it is
widly
Correct your spelling
widely
 believed that improving the knowledge of how much fast
food
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 is a disaster for their
health
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 is the right way to prevent or at least reduce eating it. Because it is often high in calories, fat, and sugar but low in nutrients and
fiber
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fibre
show examples
. Consuming it frequently may raise your risk of obesity, heart attack, and other
health
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 issues. For
instace
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instance
,
a
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apply
show examples
research has been made by World
Health
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 Organization in 2020 about fast
food
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 effects. The results were totally
shocked
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shocking
show examples
, 80% of
people
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 who
eating
Wrong verb form
ate
show examples
 it rapidly were having depression because of the
obisty
Correct your spelling
obesity
 it causes.
Thus
Linking Words
, if we all
educaute
Correct your spelling
educate
our self
Correct your spelling
ourselves
show examples
 about the side
imapacts
Correct your spelling
impacts
 of fast
food
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, we will stay healthy.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
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 think education is
inefficient
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the inefficient
an inefficient
show examples
 way.Because junk
food
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is sweeps
Change the verb form
is sweeping
show examples
 the globe and
people
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 are heavily appetite about it. In
Correct your spelling
addition
addtion
Add a comma
,addtion
show examples
 they are watching junk
food
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 ads everywhere which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 them to starve even if they are not really hungry.
For example
Linking Words
, when they
on
Add a missing verb
are on
show examples
 the road to come back from work, they will see many ads for
Kfc
Correct your spelling
KFC
,
Correct word choice
and alot
show examples
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of
people
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 follow their appetite and buy
food
Use synonyms
 quickly.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
While
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
eating fast
food
Use synonyms
 occasionally is not a problem but overdoing it leads to
health
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 issues.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 views differ
depends
Correct subject-verb agreement
depend
show examples
 on
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people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
believe
Replace the word
beliefs
show examples
. I would say educating
people
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 is essentially
method
Add an article
a method
show examples
 to prevent any
dieases
Correct your spelling
diseases
 like cancer.
Also
Linking Words
 to keep our bodies full of energy and
health
Use synonyms
.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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