IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Undoubtedly, there has been a noticeable surge of
people
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 relocating to urban
areas
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 around the globe because of better lifestyles, healthcare
facilities
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,
education
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 and job opportunities.
This
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 leads to a significant decrease in the rural
population
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 and a dramatic increase in the urban
population
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. I think there are many key benefits and some drawbacks of
this
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 movement.
This
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 essay will examine both aspects in detail.
Cities
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 offer better infrastructure and medical
facilities
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 to the
people
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 as compared to rural
areas
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.
Therefore
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,
people
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 relocate to the big
cities
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 to live a healthy and comfortable lifestyle.
In addition
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 to
this
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,
cities
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 provide advanced educational
facilities
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 and good job prospects encouraging
people
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 to migrate for better
education
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 which opens up new opportunities for them.
For instance
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, a recent survey from the University of Ottawa revealed that in the
last
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 3 years, there has been a significant increase, especially in the younger
population
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 in urban
cities
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 from rural
areas
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 who moved in search of
education
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 and job opportunities.
Conversely
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, there are a few drawbacks that cannot be ignored. The migration of
people
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 to large
cities
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 is putting a lot of pressure on the housing needs which results in increased house rents and environmental pollution.
Thus
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, it has become tedious for
people
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 to afford to live in urban
areas
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.
Furthermore
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, the government is allocating more budget for the
cities
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 as compared to countryside
areas
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,
hence
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 rural
areas
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 remain undeveloped.
For example
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, a study by the University of Montreal has revealed that the city's climate drastically deteriorated because of increased waste and pollution caused by the growing
population
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 in the
last
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 5 years. In Conclusion, I think the shifting of
people
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 to
cities
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 is advantageous,
however
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, the government should come forward and devise strategies to equally develop the countryside as well in terms of
education
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 and health
facilities
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 to curb
this
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 situation.
This
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 will enable both the
cities
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 and small towns to meet the basic requirements of the citizens and maintain equilibrium. In many countries around the world, rural
people
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 are moving to
cities
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, so the
population
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 in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think
this
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 is a positive or a negative development?

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task achievement
Consider providing a more balanced perspective by including additional examples or contrasting views on the positive and negative aspects of urban migration.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance the logical progression between paragraphs by ensuring that each point builds on the previous one, which will create a more fluid argument.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction clearly outlines the topic and provides a roadmap for the essay, indicating that both benefits and drawbacks will be discussed.
task achievement
Relevant examples from surveys lend credibility to your argument and demonstrate thorough research on the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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