IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this option

#people #music #cultures #ages #option
There are a lot of
people
 who think that
music
 can be
connection
Add an article
a connection
the connection
show examples
 between
people
 of different cultures and ages. From my point of, view it is the right idea because
music
 may be an international language that can be understood by a variety of
people
.
Also
,
music
 may bring a positive atmosphere to the company of different
people
 and help them to know each other better. On the one hand, we have a lot of songs that
equally
Add a missing verb
are equally
show examples
 popular in all countries on our planet. I believe that all of us from any
areas
Fix the agreement mistake
area
show examples
 can understand the language of
music
 in one way because
music
 may cause the same impact on different
people
.
For example
, Latin songs are popular in the
plephora
Correct your spelling
plethora
continentes
Correct your spelling
continents
 and
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
brigs
Correct your spelling
brings
show examples
 an
energatic
Correct your spelling
energetic
 mood to all listeners.
On the other hand
,
music
 might improve the atmosphere between
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
people
 from any
areas
Fix the agreement mistake
area
show examples
 and
different
Change preposition
of different
show examples
 ages. I consider that if
people
 listening
music
 together, it makes their conversation more comfortable and funny.
For instance
, it is reported that some kinds of
music
 cause increasing in
dophamine
Correct your spelling
dopamine
 in our brain that help us to feel happiness and pleasure.
To sum up
, in my opinion, the most international language is
music
 because it can be a key to understanding each other better even if we are from different areas and different ages.
Submitted by engroutine on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: