Some people believe that children’s time outside of school should be filled with scheduled activities such as art and music classes and sports. Others feel that children need free time to play and relax. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is considered by
some
Correct your spelling
Some
show examples
that children ought to take a part in other
school
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
as arts, music classes and sports,
while
Linking Words
there are others who think that it is better for them to have spare
time
Use synonyms
to play and wind down. In my personal opinion, I believe that juveniles should join any
activities
Use synonyms
provided in their schools in order to enhance their soft skills that can be more useful in their life. On the one hand, many think that it is much better if the students look extremely busy at
school
Use synonyms
rather than doing nothing at home.
In other words
Linking Words
, they are able to pursue what they like the most and decide what to do.
For instance
Linking Words
, if they are interested in art,
then
Linking Words
they attempt to do it frequently,
they
Correct word choice
and they
show examples
will be able to become a master in
art
Add an article
the art
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
can lead them to have
brighter
Correct article usage
a brighter
show examples
future
Fix the agreement mistake
futures
show examples
as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
great artist.
As a result
Linking Words
, their parents will realise that having a scheduled activity outside of
school
Use synonyms
is quite useful.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is true that
school
Use synonyms
kids should have break
time
Use synonyms
to chill out. There are
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
vast number of researches
convey
Correct pronoun usage
that convey
show examples
that students are mostly feeling under pressure if they often get other
activities
Use synonyms
than studies.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, other people think it is vital for them
use
Add the particle
to use
show examples
their
time
Use synonyms
to play with their acquaintances, so they will be able to understand how to make a friend and rehearse
the
Change the word
their
show examples
communication ability.
Finally
Linking Words
, the hectic
time
Use synonyms
at
school
Use synonyms
is enough for them,
hence
Linking Words
no more
activities
Use synonyms
for them.
Finally
Linking Words
, in my opinion, I strongly believe that having other things to do outside of
school
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
is beneficial to them. First of all, in terms of their creativity will be
Wrong verb form
sharpened
show examples
sharpen
Wrong verb form
sharpened
show examples
through productivity at
school
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, their parents do not need to worry a lot about
type
Add an article
the type
show examples
of games that give them detrimental effects.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, they have a big sense of responsibility for their own
life
Replace the word
lives
show examples
as they are able to understand whether they enjoy it or not.
Lastly
Linking Words
,
instead
Linking Words
of playing games and
relax
Wrong verb form
relaxing
show examples
,
this
Linking Words
activity helps them to figure out what future they want to have. In conclusion, allowing children to choose what to do in their
time
Use synonyms
is necessary. If they think by having a plenty number of
activities
Use synonyms
encourage
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
show examples
them to be better and more creative, it can be done properly and vice versa. Eventually, they still can decide to have a break from those crowded schedules.
Submitted by srianggreni0802 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic development
  • academic curriculum
  • hidden talents
  • instill discipline
  • teamwork
  • time management skills
  • unstructured play
  • fostering creativity
  • stress reduction
  • cognitive and emotional development
  • well-rounded upbringing
  • social interaction
  • personal growth
  • equilibrium
  • beneficial outcomes
What to do next:
Look at other essays: