Some people believe that children’s time outside of school should be filled with scheduled activities such as art and music classes and sports. Others feel that children need free time to play and relax. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It is considered by
some
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Some
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that children ought to take a part in other
school
activities
such
as arts, music classes and sports,
while
there are others who think that it is better for them to have spare
time
to play and wind down. In my personal opinion, I believe that juveniles should join any
activities
provided in their schools in order to enhance their soft skills that can be more useful in their life. On the one hand, many think that it is much better if the students look extremely busy at
school
rather than doing nothing at home.
In other words
, they are able to pursue what they like the most and decide what to do.
For instance
, if they are interested in art,
then
they attempt to do it frequently,
they
Correct word choice
and they
show examples
will be able to become a master in
art
Add an article
the art
show examples
.
Therefore
,
this
can lead them to have
brighter
Correct article usage
a brighter
show examples
future
Fix the agreement mistake
futures
show examples
as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
great artist.
As a result
, their parents will realise that having a scheduled activity outside of
school
is quite useful.
On the other hand
, it is true that
school
kids should have break
time
to chill out. There are
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
vast number of researches
convey
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that convey
show examples
that students are mostly feeling under pressure if they often get other
activities
than studies.
Furthermore
, other people think it is vital for them
use
Add the particle
to use
show examples
their
time
to play with their acquaintances, so they will be able to understand how to make a friend and rehearse
the
Change the word
their
show examples
communication ability.
Finally
, the hectic
time
at
school
is enough for them,
hence
no more
activities
for them.
Finally
, in my opinion, I strongly believe that having other things to do outside of
school
time
is beneficial to them. First of all, in terms of their creativity will be
Wrong verb form
sharpened
show examples
sharpen
Wrong verb form
sharpened
show examples
through productivity at
school
.
Secondly
, their parents do not need to worry a lot about
type
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the type
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of games that give them detrimental effects.
Thirdly
, they have a big sense of responsibility for their own
life
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lives
show examples
as they are able to understand whether they enjoy it or not.
Lastly
,
instead
of playing games and
relax
Wrong verb form
relaxing
show examples
,
this
activity helps them to figure out what future they want to have. In conclusion, allowing children to choose what to do in their
time
is necessary. If they think by having a plenty number of
activities
encourage
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
show examples
them to be better and more creative, it can be done properly and vice versa. Eventually, they still can decide to have a break from those crowded schedules.
Submitted by srianggreni0802 on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic development
  • academic curriculum
  • hidden talents
  • instill discipline
  • teamwork
  • time management skills
  • unstructured play
  • fostering creativity
  • stress reduction
  • cognitive and emotional development
  • well-rounded upbringing
  • social interaction
  • personal growth
  • equilibrium
  • beneficial outcomes
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