IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that zoos are cruel and should be closed down. Others however believe that zoos can be useful in protecting animals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #zoos #animals
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Nowadays, artificial
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
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of
Change preposition
in
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 places
such
Linking Words
 as
zoos
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
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 becoming more popular all over the world.
While
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 there are some advantages of preserving
animals
Use synonyms
 in
zoos
Use synonyms
, I would agree that
this
Linking Words
 kind of conservation does
has
Change the verb form
have
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 its adverse impacts. On the one hand, it is argued that
zoos
Use synonyms
 have benefits
on
Change preposition
for
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animals
Use synonyms
 for several reasons. Wildlife, especially those
Correct pronoun usage
that are
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are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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on the verge of extinction, are preserved gene pools by artificial methods, contributing to
maintain
Change the verb form
maintaining
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 the breeds.
As a result
Linking Words
, numerous
animals
Use synonyms
 were saved from the risk of rejection.
In addition
Linking Words
, another purpose of locking creatures in
such
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 a narrow space is to defend them from predatory
animals
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 their previous habitats can not, which means these organisms had been always
living
Wrong verb form
lived
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 under the threat of dangerous ones.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I believe that it is ruthless to keep wildlife in limited spaces for a number of reasons.
Firstly
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, for the mental health of
animals
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, a long time being confined in small environments and their activities are
also
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 controlled by humans, leading to
lose
Replace the word
loss
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their
Change preposition
of their
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 normal physiological activities gradually. On top of that, continual stress hurts their physical health. In fact, wildlife continually stressed in
zoos
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due to
Linking Words
 small enclosures, fear and poor
nutritions
Correct your spelling
nutrition
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 are more likely to get sick, resulting in physiological stress response. In conclusion,
while
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 living in captivity has its certain benefits, I completely agree that confining
animals
Use synonyms
 in
such
Linking Words
 a narrow constricted space can even severely harm them more.
Submitted by trangch705 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • animal welfare
  • conservation
  • captive breeding
  • habitat
  • ethical issues
  • zoochosis
  • endangered species
  • genetic diversity
  • reintroduction programs
  • wildlife education
  • sanctuary
  • natural living conditions
  • artificial environments
  • behavioral enrichment
  • ecosystem
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