The government should lower the budget on the arts in order to allocate more money to education. To what extent do you agree?

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Some people argue that our public institutions should reduce the allocation of capital
on
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to

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the arts to top up the budget
in
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for

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education. In my opinion, at first sight, it could help to reach some short-term challenges faced in our schools.
However
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
i
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I

The pronoun I should always be capitalized.

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doubt
wether
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whether

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decrease
Wrong verb form
decreasing

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another important aspect of our society is a good idea in the long run. Indeed, I'm convinced that extra funds in our universities or schools could represent a big step onward for the future generation of students. In my own experience, I have
know
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known

It appears that the verb know should be in the past participle form. Consider changing it.

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friends who could not study in the field that they desired because of
professors'
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professors

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shortages.
Furthermore
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, in the
last
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couple of weeks, recent thrives have confirmed that some teachers are not aware of intense poverty and that their financial health should be prioritised.
On the other hand
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, I believe that cultural purposes are as important as educational ones. Actually, I agree with experts illustrating the benefits of arts in the learning process.
For example
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, I read a newspaper article on
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages

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that children who painted have regarding their academic grades. When it comes to solutions, I think that another category of public funding should drop. Rather than focus our money on the artistic culture, we could hardly decrease our military budget. With
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

last
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

statement, I'm sure that would benefit our country more than ever. Who doesn't dream to live without wars ?
To sum up
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, for me, both education and
arts
Correct article usage
the arts

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are important to meet our
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term

It seems that long term is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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goals.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
on
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in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the
fourt
Correct your spelling
fourth
four

If you don’t want fourt to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

paragraph, I decided to think about a specific topic to try to fix our principal problem.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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