IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Employers should give their staff at least four weeks' holiday a year to make employees better at their work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#employers #staff #four #weeks #holiday #year #employees #work
It is thought that in order to perform well
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 work, at least one
month
Change noun form
month's
show examples
 break off ought to be given
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
employees
 by
business
 owners. I mostly agree with
this
 suggestion because more holidays give
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
 impact on
employees
’ performance and loyalty to their jobs.
Firstly
, enhancing
holiday
 portions for staff may boost their performance in their duties. Most workers have
opportunity
Correct article usage
the opportunity
show examples
 to
rest
 two weeks
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a year and they see these work-off days as inadequate.
This
 change may provide them
to
Change preposition
with to
show examples
rest
 and
recover
Replace the word
recovery
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
more
comfortable
Change the word
comfortably
show examples
 and it can relieve them psychologically.
For instance
, an employee can allocate
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
two weeks for
holiday
 and spend
his
Change the word
the
show examples
rest
 of
Correct pronoun usage
his permissions
show examples
permissions
Fix the agreement mistake
permission
show examples
 for private affairs and personal
rest
. Through
this
 novelty,
due to
 their fewer stresses,
employees
 can prove better performances in
business
 life.
Secondly
, extending
holiday
 weeks for
employees
 may enable raising loyalty to their jobs. Many workers define
this
 opportunity as
precious
Correct article usage
a precious
show examples
 right and they usually do not want to leave their positions.
In addition
, after many
short span
Add a hyphen
short-span
show examples
 holidays, they feel owed to their executives psychologically and try to show their bests. To illustrate that, an employee who has turned back from a
holiday
 feels
little
Correct article usage
a little
show examples
 bit criminal himself and
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
show examples
 his adherence to his
business
.
This
 situation is beneficial for employers
as well as
employees
.
Thus
, to extend relationships in the
business
,
this
 case shows good aspects. In conclusion, causes and examples can be multiplied with
this
 suggestion.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
this
 case may cause some risk
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
business
 progress for a
while
, in my opinion, it would give benefits for both parties including employers and
employees
. 48 dk.
Submitted by metehancakiroglu3435 on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • creativity
  • mental well-being
  • physical well-being
  • recharge
  • rejuvenate
  • personal growth
  • development
  • loyalty
  • commitment
  • exploration
  • different perspectives
  • talent retention
  • job satisfaction
  • stress reduction
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