IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

More and more people today are moving away from where their friends and family live. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #friends #trend
Nowadays, there is a rise in the number of individuals who are moving far away from their homes where friends and family live. It is my belief that the positive effects of
this
 phenomenon could certainly offset its disadvantages. There are several drawbacks to living far away from family. One common disadvantage is that moving away from
parents
 and peers could affect an individual's mental and physical health.
This
 is because without staying close to their
beloved
Correct your spelling
loved
show examples
 ones,
people
 are more likely to experience homesickness, isolation or anxiety. Another negative aspect can be that it leads to poor decisions in daily life. It means that living alone requires professionals to decide independently in every situation.
As a result
, individuals could get cheated by immoral
people
due to
 a lack of guidance and parental cover.
For example
, as reported by VietNam Express in 2020, there are nearly half of Vietnamese freshmen are scammed each year when looking for accommodation for
Correct article usage
a
show examples
university education.
However
, despite these negative effects, being far away from friends and family can bring about crucial benefits. One obvious advantage is that it provides opportunities for personal growth and development.
This
 is because moving away from their
parents
 forces
people
 to be brave and self-sufficient. In fact,
people
 have to learn new skills
such
 as cooking, budgeting, and time management, and develop responsibility for their own well-being. Another positive effect is that each of us could gain new perspectives from realistic life. It means that living in another city
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 professionals meet other strangers from various provinces and regions,
therefore
, they
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 learn others' ways of thinking and problem-solving. Those soft skills are the most vital factors that contribute to a good manner.
For example
, as reported in Times in 2018, most American
parents
 encourage their children to live apart from their family when they turn 18 in order to let the teenagers learn as many social skills as possible. In conclusion,
while
 moving away from home can offer some disadvantages in terms of getting cheated or mental health problems, the benefits far outweigh them.
Parents
 should choose the appropriate method to educate their kids.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of moving away from family and friends. However, be sure to fully address all aspects of the question to provide a complete response.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure and presents clear ideas. To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using transition words and phrases to connect your ideas more effectively.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: