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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of tourists visting a particular Caribbean island between 2010 and 2017. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where revelant.

The graph below shows the number of tourists visting a particular Caribbean island between 2010 and 2017. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where revelant.
#tourists #caribbean #island #summaries #information #features #comparisons #revelant
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The given line graphs
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
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 how many
tourists
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 travelled to a particular
Carribean
Correct your spelling
Caribbean
island
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 over a
period
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 of 7 years from 2010 to 2017. Units are measured in
millions
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 of
visitors
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can clearly be seen that the total number of tourist
travelled
Wrong verb form
travelling
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 to a
Carribean
Correct your spelling
Caribbean
island
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 increased consistently in every recorded time
period
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 the
volume
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 of
tourists
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 staying on
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island
Add an article
the island
an island
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the
Add a missing verb
was the
show examples
 highest at the start, it had been overtaken by the number of
visitors
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 staying on
cruise
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ships
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 by the end of the
period
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. The total of
visitors
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travelled
Wrong verb form
travelling
show examples
 to a
carribean
Correct your spelling
Caribbean
island
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 stood at exactly 1
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millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
visitors
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 in 2010, with the
volume
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 of
visitors
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 staying on
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island
Add an article
the island
show examples
stood
Wrong verb form
standing
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 at about 0.75
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millions
Change to singular
million
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 and for those who choose
staying
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to stay
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 on
cruise
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ships
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 stood at about 0.25
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millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
.
Then
Linking Words
, the
volume
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 of
visitors
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 staying on
Use synonyms
island
Add an article
the island
show examples
 rose slightly to 1.25
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millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 the number of
visitors
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 staying on
cruise
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ships
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 experienced a slight decline
to
Change preposition
from
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original
Add an article
the original
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 level in 2012. In the following 5 years, the
volume
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 of
tourists
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 staying on
cruise
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ships
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 rose dramatically and peaked at 2
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millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 by the end of the
period
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
volume
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 of
tourists
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 staying on
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island
Add an article
the island
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 experienced a slight increase and has a small dip in 2016 before
reached
Wrong verb form
reaching
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 a peak of around 1.5
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millions
Change to singular
million
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 in 2017.
Submitted by mdelvega90 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words tourists, island, period, millions, visitors, volume, cruise, ships with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stood" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 3 times.
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