IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

An increasing number of children are overweight which could result many problems when they grow older both in terms of their health and healtg care costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Obesity in
children
Use synonyms
 is becoming an alarming issue which could affect the child's health as they grow older and skyrocketing prices of medical facilities which cannot be afforded by many are raising a serious concern amongst parents. Nowadays, kids do not prefer playing outdoor
activities
Use synonyms
 like in the old times, as they have access to digital devices which enables them to play at home indoors.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the eating habits of
children
Use synonyms
 are another issue which is contributing to them being overweight.
Children
Use synonyms
 today have become very lazy and lack physical
activities
Use synonyms
 and
change
Correct subject-verb agreement
changes
show examples
 in their lifestyles are resulting in oversized
children
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, parents need to encourage their
children
Use synonyms
 to play outdoors, as physical
activities
Use synonyms
 will keep them fit.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, it is the parent's duty to keep a track of their
children
Use synonyms
's health by enrolling them on sports classes like swimming, basketball, tennis, etc., which could help the child stay active.
In addition
Linking Words
, limiting processed food and cooking healthy meals for
children
Use synonyms
 could help them maintain a gradual weight as per their age. Schools need to increase physical
activities
Use synonyms
 for
children
Use synonyms
 which will help them stay active and stay healthy. Teachers should create awareness amongst
children
Use synonyms
 by educating them about good and bad food habits.
To conclude
Linking Words
, parents need to encourage their
children
Use synonyms
 to eat home-cooked meals and encourage
children
Use synonyms
 to play in the fields. A family picnic on weekends could
also
Linking Words
 help them maintain their physical fitness level.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: