IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Inspite of advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. why is this case? wht can be done about this problem?

#inspite #advances #agriculture #people #world #case #wht
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 decade, we have observed drastic development in the Agriculture sector to increase
production
Correct article usage
the production
show examples
 of necessary
day to day
Add a hyphen
day-to-day
show examples
 goods by automating machines to crop fields quickly or
spray
Wrong verb form
spraying
show examples
 medicines to avoid any damage to farms. Still, we have
sad
Correct article usage
a sad
show examples
 & critical
sitaution
Correct your spelling
situation
situations
 when it comes to
food
Use synonyms
 access
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 everyone in the country. In our country, more than 50
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
families are considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
low-income
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 and it makes them difficult to have simple
food
Use synonyms
 as they are either expensive or sometimes not available in their areas.
Additionally
Linking Words
, unemployment is the other concern as
people
Use synonyms
 can’t earn enough on daily basis to have
bare
Add an article
a bare
show examples
 minimum healthy diet. To counter
such
Linking Words
 problems, Government should focus
initially
Linking Words
 on rural areas by creating new jobs in different sectors which will enable
people
Use synonyms
 to become
indepdendent
Correct your spelling
independent
 & earn money for daily living.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
health
Add an article
the health
show examples
 department can educate about discounted schemes as per
family’s
Correct article usage
the family’s
show examples
 income to resolve hunger & health issues. Despite having agricultural advancements,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 have seen
people
Use synonyms
 going on strikes against
export
Add an article
the export
show examples
 policy of foods materials as
this
Linking Words
 is causing
increase
Add an article
an increase
the increase
show examples
 in
vegetables
Fix the agreement mistake
vegetable
show examples
 and fruits price in markets & keeping
people
Use synonyms
 hungry.
Also
Linking Words
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 have experienced that
people
Use synonyms
 tend to waste
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of
food
Use synonyms
 when attending marriage ceremonies, corporate parties, etc, without even thinking that
small
Correct article usage
a small
show examples
 portion of wasted
food
Use synonyms
 can feed a lot of hungry
people
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
At
Change the preposition
In
show examples
 the end, I would suggest Government authorities
to
Remove the particle
apply
show examples
pay attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
people
Use synonyms
's health first to avoid hunger problems rather than boosting the economy.
However
Linking Words
, it is everyone’s duty not to waste
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of
food
Use synonyms
 & donate leftover
food
Use synonyms
 to NGOs working on
this
Linking Words
 issue.
Along with
Linking Words
 that, educating nearby societies about
this
Linking Words
 critical problem can help to recover hunger challenges more efficiently.
Submitted by ashutosh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: