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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

some people feel that entertainers are paid too much money do you agree or disadgree which other types of job should be highly paid

#people #entertainers #money #disadgree #job
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Over the recent years, a controversial debate has been going around entertainers’ remuneration. Some
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 assume the amount of
money
Use synonyms
 they are getting is too much. I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement and I will explain my justifications below.
Also
Linking Words
, I believe that there exist several occupations which should be paid more than they deserve
such
Linking Words
 as teachers
along with
Linking Words
engineers
Use synonyms
. To start with, it is already known that a significant proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 from
recreation
Correct article usage
the recreation
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 sector earn more abundant
money
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 than other jobs. I do not think they ought to be allocated excessive
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
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 of
money
Use synonyms
 as they are working for themselves
not
Add the comma(s)
,not
show examples
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
In other words
Linking Words
, we know that
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
plenty of musicians, movie actors and sports
people
Use synonyms
 are trying to earn
much
Correct quantifier usage
a lot of
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 for the sake of themselves. They buy islands, luxurious cottages, cars,
accessories
Correct word choice
and accessories
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. I do not see here a benefit for other
people
Use synonyms
. Of course,
although
Linking Words
 some of them make donations and organize charity campaigns which worth appreciation, the vast majority of them do not do anything.
If
Correct your spelling
It
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 would be nice, if big international companies and organizations help impoverished countries financially more
instead
Linking Words
 of giving it to some worthless “public figures”. When it comes to jobs which should be paid more, I think educators
as well as
Linking Words
engineers
Use synonyms
 are expected to be given more wages. It is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 things that they are doing are benefitting the world more.
For example
Linking Words
, teachers are the foundations of almost every development in life. They make
people
Use synonyms
 knowledgeable, aware, and better. Even entertainers need educators. Another job is
Use synonyms
engineers
Wrong verb form
engineering
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. To be more precise, in
this
Linking Words
 day and age, we highly rely on them in terms of communication, transport, food,
medicine
Correct word choice
and medicine
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. They are future creators. Let me cite some examples, we are running out
natural
Change preposition
of natural
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 resources, the climate is changing,
Use synonyms
people
Correct word choice
and people
show examples
 are struggling to grow clime-resistant crops. Who do you think can ameliorate these predicaments? Admittedly, the answer is ready, it is
engineers
Use synonyms
.
People
Use synonyms
 can survive without blockbuster movies,
hit
Correct word choice
and hit
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 songs, but they cannot survive in the absence of
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
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.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I deem that possibly some entertainers should be paid more, meanwhile, there are some certain jobs who are teachers and
engineers
Use synonyms
 that can make
differences
Fix the agreement mistake
difference
show examples
 in our life.
Submitted by Murod / Maksud on

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