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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows the numbers of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The charts show the result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two periods.

The table below shows the numbers of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The charts show the result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two periods.
#numbers #visitors #ashdown #museum #year #show #surveys #visit #two #periods
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The table illustrates the
number
Use synonyms
 of
Ashdown
Use synonyms
Museum
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's visitor during the
period
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
before and after
refurbishment
Use synonyms
 during the year,
while
Linking Words
 the pie chart
display
Change the verb form
displays
show examples
 the satisfaction levels of guest during the two periods.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of visitors who went to
Ashdown
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Museum
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 before it was refurbished was higher than those who went after
refurbishment
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who were dissatisfied level in before the
refurbishment
Use synonyms
period
Use synonyms
 was the highest proportion, the
number
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 of visitors who were satisfied in the
period
Use synonyms
 after
refurbishment
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 was the most. The
number
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 of visitors who went to
Ashdown
Use synonyms
Museum
Use synonyms
 before
refurbishment
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 was less than those who went there the after
Use synonyms
period
Add an article
a period
the period
show examples
, accounting for 74,000 and 92,000. Turning to visitor satisfaction,
people
Use synonyms
 who went to
Ashdown
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Museum
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 before
refurbishment
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 had dissatisfied and very dissatisfied,
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half, being responsible for 40 and 10
people
Use synonyms
, respectively.
While
Linking Words
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who had very satisfied was 15, there are 30
people
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 who were satisfied. In the after-
refurbishment
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period
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, the figure for
people
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 who were very satisfied and were satisfied was over half, at 35 and 40, respectively.
In addition
Linking Words
,the proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 who had dissatisfied was 15 and the figure for
people
Use synonyms
 who were very dissatisfied and no response
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 equal at 5.
Submitted by vanil on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in addition, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, ashdown, museum, period, refurbishment, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • refurbishment
  • visitor statistics
  • satisfaction survey
  • seasonal trends
  • demographics
  • benchmarking
  • feedback mechanisms
  • amenities
  • exhibitions
  • customer experience
  • turnaround
  • user engagement
  • footfall
  • improvements
  • disparities
  • perception
  • enhancements
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