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Band 6.5

some children spend hours every day on their smartphones why is this the case? do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
Nowadays, young kids tend to spend a long
time
 on their mobile phones, whether it is for entertainment or essential use. Recently, there has been an increase in usage
time
 among
children
. There are possible reasons for
this
 and personally, I think
this
 is beneficial for them. The details will be elaborated
further
 below. First of all, smartphones can hold much information and can be accessed everywhere and anytime people like.
This
 makes the gadget powerful and addicting, especially for youngsters.
Children
 can play online games, where they can enjoy leisure
time
 with their friends after school.
Furthermore
, they can keep in touch with their friends through social media, which in turn will slowly hone their networking.
This
 will certainly help them when they grow older and need to establish connections with people. Second of all, young kids can freely access unlimited content to broaden their knowledge. It is particularly important for
children
 who cannot afford private tutoring and their parents are too busy working.
Children
 are able to learn by themselves by watching YouTube videos to solve their homework problems because
children
 do not understand fully the teachers’ explanations at school.
Moreover
, nowadays there are
children
 who have started making videos to upload on Instagram and YouTube, which is useful to make them practice public speaking. In conclusion, there are various factors that make
children
 use their smartphones for a long
time
 and it is mostly because it is enjoyable. If parents are able to monitor their
children
's screen usage and control what contents they can access, it will be beneficial for young kids' development.
Submitted by desyaf99 on

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Task response
Work on developing a stronger thesis statement in your introduction. Clearly state if you believe the trend is positive or negative to guide your reader.
Task response
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea, supported by specific examples. While you mention the benefits of smartphone use, adding contrasting points or addressing potential negatives would provide a balanced viewpoint.
Coherence and cohesion
To improve coherence, consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas both within and between paragraphs. This will help the flow of your essay.
Coherence and cohesion
Consistency in explaining your points is key. Ensure that each point made is fully developed with relevant examples or explanation on how it supports your main argument.
Task Achievement
Review and revise your conclusion to more explicitly restate your viewpoint and summarize the main points of your argument. This reinforces your position to the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
What to do next:
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