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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#countries #children #work #people
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Some would argue that child labour in numerous nations is totally unacceptable,
while
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 others claim that making a living at an early age helps children become more experienced in their later jobs.
Although
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work
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experience
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 plays an instrumental role in one’s success in life, I believe that minors should engage themselves in other developmental activities rather than
work
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 to get paid. On the one hand, entering the labour market prematurely enables youngsters to accumulate a wealth of
experience
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 needed for their future careers. Obviously, it takes years of practice and training for someone to fare well in certain jobs.
For example
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, to keep the whole office up and running, good managers have to draw on their business acumen, which can only be built up through previous experiences.
Therefore
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, the sooner employees start to
work
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, the more
experience
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 they will gain, saving them a huge amount of time spent on becoming excellent corporate managers.
However
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, I believe that those junior workers would benefit more if they only involved themselves in enrichment programmes at school.
On the other hand
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, there are those who consider that recruiting underage workers is completely incorrect. As children are not physically and mentally mature, they are highly suggestible, and,
as a result
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, they may easily fall prey to child abuse.
For instance
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, there have been many cases where children have to
work
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 long hours even without being paid in different countries, and they can hardly reverse that situation simply because they are too young to stand up for themselves.
This
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 means that allowing juveniles to do part-time jobs may pose more risks
instead
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 of helping them gain more hands-on
experience
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.
That is
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 why I believe that teenagers should only partake in today’s schooling whose advanced teaching methods can both help them learn and provide them with the necessary
experience
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 for later use. In conclusion,
although
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 letting adolescents go to
work
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 can constitute an experienced workforce, it can put them at stake
due to
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 their inability to protect themselves, and it is,
therefore
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, better if the time for proper study is given priority.
Submitted by khangtram1203 on

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task response
Make sure to address all parts of the essay prompt, providing a more balanced discussion of both views and clearly outlining your opinion at the end.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a good logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, ensure that your ideas are logically connected and your arguments are well-supported throughout the essay.
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