IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries，paying for things using mobile phone(cellphone) apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages or more disadvantages?

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The methods of making
payment
Use synonyms
has
Change the verb form
have
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 changed in recent decades. Because of the
technology
Replace the word
technological
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 development, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Add an article
the people
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 choose to
using
Change the verb form
use
show examples
 cellphone apps
such
Linking Words
 as Alipay
instead
Linking Words
 of paying by credit
cards
Fix the agreement mistake
card
show examples
 or cash. I believe that the benefits are greater than the drawbacks. There are various reasons
that
Correct word choice
why
show examples
 companies and individuals encourage
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
digital
payment
Use synonyms
. If everything purchasing for apps, the cashier will easily manage all the payments. Before they have to accept cash or debit card. Sometimes they receive fake money from customers
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and most of the
time
Use synonyms
 they take responsibility by themselves.
That is
Linking Words
 the main reason
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
why
cashier
Fix the agreement mistake
cashiers
show examples
 always
lack
Change the verb form
lacks
show examples
 hands and hire all the
time
Use synonyms
. Because
complicate
Wrong verb form
complicated
show examples
payment
Use synonyms
 methods have a negative impact on many business companies.
Thus
Linking Words
, using mobile phones for shopping is a kind of revolution in
business
Add an article
the business
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 industry. For individuals, more benefits are existing from paying
use
Fix the infinitive
to use
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cellphones
Correct your spelling
cell phones
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. In the
fast paced
Add a hyphen
fast-paced
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 society
time
Use synonyms
 is limited. Many youngsters would like to do online shopping rather than indoor shopping. It brings us a lot of
convenience
Change the noun form
conveniences
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as online shopping, online banking and
E-tranfer
Correct your spelling
E-transfer
. People do not need to waste
time
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
apply
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waiting.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
new
Correct article usage
the new
show examples
payment
Use synonyms
 method saves us a lot of
time
Use synonyms
 and gives us more freedom. I believe it is just the beginning of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern technology, the government and the country even the world will create more
platform
Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
show examples
 to support humans’ daily life in the future. Admittedly, the new method of
payment
Use synonyms
 still
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 some drawbacks. There are some elders
are
Correct pronoun usage
who are
show examples
 not
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
able to adapt so quickly because of their
concept
Fix the agreement mistake
concepts
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 and hobbies.
Thus
Linking Words
, the government needs to consider digital
payment
Use synonyms
 should be encouraged but not compulsory. In conclusion, I believe the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. Both the government and individuals can support purchasing by mobile phone apps. Technology makes our life more productive and effective.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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