IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

•Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#•some #people #part #sports #teams #football #tennis
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In
this
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 day and age, there
are
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is
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 increasing popularity to take
part
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 in
sports
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. Some
people
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 believe that it is necessary to evolve in
sports
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 which are played in
teams
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, like soccer, rather than taking
part
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 in individual
sports
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 like swimming. From my personal perspective, both types of
sports
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 have their own merits and
people
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 should take
part
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 in both
sports
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 played in
teams
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 and individual
sports
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. On the one hand, there are a variety of reasons why some
people
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 think that
take
Wrong verb form
taking
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part
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 in
sports
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 played in
teams
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 more beneficial. One reason for
thí
Correct your spelling
this
 opinion is that
sports
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 which are played in
teams
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 encourage
people
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 to cooperate with others to play.
Consequently
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, playing
team
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sports
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as
Correct your spelling
is
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 a way for them to enhance some essential
skills
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,
such
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 as
communications
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communication
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skills
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,
sharpen
Verb problem
apply
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observation
skills
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, and teamwork
skills
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, these
skills
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 can help
people
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 not only in playing
sports
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 but
also
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for
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in
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 their work and study which
improve
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improves
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 those performance.
For instance
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, playing football requires 7 to 15 players
playing
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to play
show examples
 together, it is important for them to communicate and cooperate with other players to defend and attack the competitor.
On the other hand
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, there are a number of reasons why some
people
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 think that taking
part
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 in individual
sports
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 has more advantages.
Firstly
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,
people
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 who choose to play
solo
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sports
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such
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 as swimming or tennis have the opportunity to develop independence.
This
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 can be explained by the fact that those who play these
sports
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 have no one to help them during the game, so they are forced to develop independent thinking and make their own decisions. Those who take
part
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 in
team
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sports
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,
by contrast
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, often receive support from their
team
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 members, which could discourage them from developing these
skills
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. Another reason is that players in
solo
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sports
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 know that their success depends mostly on their effort, determination and concentration.
Therefore
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, these
people
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 always make every possible effort to achieve their goals. In conclusion,
although
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 some
people
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 say that we should choose to play
solo
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sports
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such
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 as golf or tennis, others argue that
people
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 participate in individual
sports
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. I believe that both
solo
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sports
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 and
team
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sports
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 have their
Submitted by phongnguyenthanh630 on

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structure
The essay should have a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The conclusion in this case seems to be cut-off and does not fully summarise the main points or provide a clear opinion.
task response
The main points are presented but lack detailed development through specific examples or further explanation.
coherence
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the ideas logically flow from one to the next using appropriate cohesive devices.
task response
Provide specific examples to support your points, which will make the response more comprehensive and persuasive.
grammar
Repeated sentence structures are evident; work on varying sentence complexity and punctuation to enhance readability and demonstrate grammatical range.
grammar
Error with agreement ('There are increasing popularity to take part in sports' should be 'There is increasing popularity...'). Watch for these types of errors as they can detract from the overall quality of the response.
vocabulary
Review and use a wider range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely and avoid redundancy (e.g., 'evolve' should be 'engage').
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