IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#people #health #alternative #medicines #treatments #doctor #development
In recent years, the number of
people
 who have health problems,
such
 as obesity, or hypertension, showing an increasing trend.
Moreover
,
people
 try to use
alternative
 medicines and treatments rather than going to a clinic or a hospital to see
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 usual
doctor
. Some
people
 hold of belief that using
alternative
 treatments, like
yoga
 or meditation
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 better than visiting
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 usual
doctor
. In my opinion, it is a controversial issue which deserves an in-depth discussion. First of all, the front and centre in its favour
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 that trying other special treatment can make
people
 feel relief and
joyful
Replace the word
joy
show examples
. The reason is that taking medicines ring about lots of
side-effects
Correct your spelling
side effects
show examples
.
For example
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
medicine for
flu
Correct article usage
the flu
show examples
 can make
people
 feel dizzy. The other reason is that using
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
alternative
 therapy is good for mental health. Take
yoga
 for instants
people
 who do
yoga
 not only can relieve their strength
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 can prevent
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
from some specific
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
,
such
 as cardiovascular. Based on these compelling reasons
try
Wrong verb form
trying
show examples
alternative
 therapies is better than seeing a typical
doctor
.
On the contrary
, going to a clinic or a hospital to visit a normal
doctor
 is more effective and
budget
Wrong verb form
budgeted
show examples
. Doctors are well-trained and they can tell
people
 what they suffered from.
For instance
, doctors can use some medical equipment to major our blood sugar or heart rate. They can use
this
 data to value our
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
 whether healthy or not.
Therefore
,
people
 can face their health
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 based on the medical report, and
then
 doctors will give medicine to
people
 in order to treat or control their disease. In conclusion, despite trying
alternative
 treatments and
see
Wrong verb form
seeing
show examples
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 usual
doctor
 have both
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
merits.
However
, I firmly believe that the usage of
alternative
 therapies like
yoga
 is better for
people
. Because it can bring more advantages for
people
, it can alleviate stress and make
people
 feel peaceful. Lesley, the
alternative
 therapy is good for long-term
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
.
Submitted by miainspirit on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

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‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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