IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

TASK-2 Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#task- #parents #children #toys #child
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Few parents offer
wide
Add an article
a wide
show examples
 range of
toys
Use synonyms
 for their
kids
Use synonyms
 to spend time with. In my, view it is not a good idea to provide a variety of things for playing as it might ruin a
child
Use synonyms
's brain development and focus.
This
Linking Words
 will be portrayed with relevant examples in the following essay.
Firstly
Linking Words
 a
child
Use synonyms
's brain growth will be good during the early stage of
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 life ,
upto
Correct your spelling
up to
 the age
if
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
 5 years. When you provide
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of
toys
Use synonyms
kids
Use synonyms
 will be habituated
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 those
toys
Use synonyms
 and may not concentrate on other regular activities that the
child
Use synonyms
 has to focus on.
For instance
Linking Words
, my niece was given different types of
toys
Use synonyms
where
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 he was playing with
those
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 and he couldn't focus on most of the things
such
Linking Words
 as food
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
while
Linking Words
 eating he just eats but he doesn't know what he was eating and whenever I visit his home he just had a glance sight later ignores the person.
Secondly
Linking Words
, few parents offer costly and
high standard
Add a hyphen
high-standard
show examples
toys
Use synonyms
 where they want to portray their social image towards others in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 it is a bad idea.
For example
Linking Words
, when they
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
visit
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their friends or family
kids
Use synonyms
 just play with those
toys
Use synonyms
 and become inactive among other
kids
Use synonyms
. As we are in a
relation oriented
Add a hyphen
relation-oriented
show examples
 society we should make
kids
Use synonyms
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
adopt
this
Linking Words
 culture as it would help to live in a better society. In a nutshell, it would be great if the parents concentrate on a
child
Use synonyms
's mental condition
instead
Linking Words
 of spending more time
to provide
Change the verb form
providing
show examples
huge
Change the article
a huge
the huge
show examples
 number of
toys
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by sadhana5sjr on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: