IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In future, people may no longer be able to pay for things in shops using cash. All payments may have to be made by card or using phones. Do you think this will happen one day ? Why do you think some people might not be happy to give up using cash?

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The rapid advancement in technology has revolutionized the way finance sectors work nowadays, and in my opinion that day is not too far when individuals will only
use
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 cards or digital methods to pay their bills.
However
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, there are a few folks who might be unwilling to accept
this
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 change and would prefer the traditional method of using
cash
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.
This
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 essay intends to shed light on both perspectives.
To begin
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 with, many positive facets are associated with the phenomenon of cashless
payment
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for example
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 no buyer has to worry about carrying
cash
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 all the
time
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 ; especially in a
time
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 of emergency .Smartphones are widely used by most people ,and utilizing them as a mode of
payment
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 could resolve many issues related to a pickpocket. Many people face difficulties in getting change
while
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 they are travelling or having a fun
time
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 with their loved ones in a restaurant ,
thus
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 the
use
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 of a card or mobile will give them hassle-free family outings.
Furthermore
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, customers paying directly via bank is more beneficial to shop and business owners as they can
also
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 accept all the transactions to their bank which eliminates the risk of theft in their stores.
Hence
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, advancement in the money exchange system is effective and stress-free for both consumer and seller.
On the other hand
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, the digital
payment
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 adoption may be opposed by elderly citizens who are unfamiliar with the
use
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cellphones
Correct your spelling
of phones
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 or electronic machines. An increase in digitalization eventually increases the risk of hacking, fraudulent activities and scams. To elaborate, fraudsters may steal individuals banking information and
use
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 digital
payment
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 methods to impersonate them. Losing a debit or credit card is another similar threat. Dependency on the internet will remain high every
time
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 which can cause trouble when there is none available . So
cash
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 is considered a safe and convenient option for old people.
To conclude
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, I am inclined to believe that
although
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 using internet
payment
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 is automatic and fast there are plausible reasons to
use
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cash
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 yet, the security remains the paramount concern.
Risk
Add an article
The risk
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 could be minimized if users are more alert
while
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 using those methods and mature adults are fairly guided and assisted by the young generation around them.

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task achievement
Consider elaborating on how exactly digital payments can resolve issues related to pickpockets, and address potential concerns that could be raised by those favoring cash.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear, but a bit more explanation in certain parts could make them even more comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
While you provide a good logical flow, ensure each paragraph is linked more smoothly to enhance cohesion.
task achievement
The essay effectively covers both sides of the argument, discussing both the benefits and potential issues related to the transition to digital payments.
coherence cohesion
The introduction lays out the main points clearly and the conclusion ties them together well, offering a balanced summary.
task achievement
The essay uses examples such as loss of cash and ease of family outings to support the main points, adding depth to the arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital payments
  • convenient
  • efficiency
  • reduce crime
  • tangibility
  • privacy
  • limited access to technology
  • job losses
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