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Band 2

Many people believe that it is very important to make large amounts of money , while others are satisfied to earn a comfortable living.

#people #amounts #money
Our world and it is
system
Add an article
a system
the system
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 of
building
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the building
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 have changed with
coming
Correct article usage
the coming
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 of new social
structure
 capital makers. It is apparent from the name of the
structure
,
this
Correct pronoun usage
that this
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 era became of capital makers era. As it is said in some business journals more than 90% percent of the whole
taken
Verb problem
apply
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wealth of the world is concentrated in 1% of their inhabitants. Making more money is likely
have
Add the particle
to have
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became
Change the verb form
become
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everyday
Correct article usage
an everyday
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 motivation
recent
Change preposition
in recent
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 years. Looking back three decades ago our country lived under
other
Correct quantifier usage
another
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 ideology, socialism. It seems like
became
Wrong verb form
become
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sort
Correct article usage
a sort
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 of long history in our memory. Apparently, our parents experienced both kinds of social
structure
 even
it
Correct word choice
if it
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 is
transaction
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a transaction
the transaction
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.
Therefore
, they are more likely not to earn much money and be satisfied
whatever
Change preposition
with whatever
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 they have and less concentrated on spending much rather than younger generations. Contrasting two ideas
are revealing
Wrong verb form
reveals
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 that we
are
Verb problem
have
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 grown up in capitalism.
New
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The new
A new
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 generation
are
Change the verb form
is
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more impatient to spend more which wakes enthusiasm for earning more. All in all our recent ancestors lived in a different social
structure
 which makes their way of life and excitement of earning money more distinct from new
genertions’
Correct your spelling
generations
generation
.
Submitted by susanna.alberto084 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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