IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Providing financial aid to the poor can increase poverty. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#aid #poverty
There are a lot of governments that give financial support to poor
people
 in order to reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
scarcity, some
people
 believe that it is a great choice,
however
, in my opinion, it might improve the shortage, since
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 receive it do not try to change their lives and get better options in the future. It depends on which type of support it is, for how long time, who is helped and
others
Change noun form
others'
other's
show examples
 situations. The financial help from the government to
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 need it without
further
 education will not be positive in the long term. Proof of
this
, there is a social program in Brazil called “Bolsa família”, since 2000, which should help only families with kids in the zone of poverty or below it. Following it, a lot of
people
 do not apply for jobs or try to get a better job because they do not want to lose
this
 financial assistance,
what
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 in
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
 time
contribute
Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
show examples
 to
maintain
Change the verb form
maintaining
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poverty. Undoubtedly,
this
 project helps a lot of Brazilians;
also
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 opportunities for many families to improve their life’s quality. Even though, these benefited families do not receive instruction and information to increase their educational status. They know that they will receive it for a long time, so they do not even try to improve their capacity and efficiency.
To sum up
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
financial help from the government can improve the scarcity because the helped
people
 might not try to improve their educational skills and probably they will not try to get a better job. Indeed, if the government
not
Change the verb form
does not
did not
show examples
 incentivize
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education and the improvement of skills, the results of
this
 aid tend to be negative.
Submitted by umangsharma9533 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: